Misadventures of Emotionless and Stupid
by Drudge Simpleton
Summary: What was supposed to be a simple reconnaissance mission became an epic adventure, all thanks to a simpleminded giant! Will Ulquiorra survive against Yammy constant stupidity? Will Yammy have the time of his life? Only destiny knows what'll happen...
1. Chapter 1

I don't own Bleach or High School DxD

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Chapter 1: God Dammit Yammy!

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Karakura Town is the hometown of Ichigo Kurosaki, the self-dubbed Protector of the town. It is a small city with an average-sized population, most of which is unaware of the ghosts and spiritual pressures that exist there. Currently in Karakura Town, Ichigo Kurosaki zanpakuto, Zangetsu, is blocking a rather large tanned skin man's hand using the tip of the cleaver. Behind Ichigo Kurosaki appears to be a girl with orange hair and a curvy figure for a teenager, she's currently wearing a school uniform. Another individual who is much smaller compared to the larger man and much paler than him, is merely watching the events being unfold with a bored expression on face.

'Orange hair, giant cleaver, a decent amount of reiatsu, and a permeant scowl' Ulquiorra analyze 'Ichigo Kurosaki, our target that Aizen wanted us to find. The boy doesn't seem like a threat at all, he may be stronger than the average Shinigami but he's still just trash.'

"Kurosaki-kun…" Orihime said, with a scared and yet relieved look.

"Sorry. I'm late Inoue" Ichigo said.

"I'm sorry. I'm so sorry, Kurosaki-kun. If only I… I was stronger…" Orihime said sadly.

"Please don't apologize, Inoue, don't worry about it" Ichigo said looking down on the ground for a second before looking back up at the two mysteries enemies, with a fierce determined look on face. "I'll defeat these guys and then…It'll be all be over!" Ichigo said.

The human than placed his hand over his other one that was wielding Zangetsu.

"Bankai!" Ichigo announces.

A large torrent of reiastu suddenly bursts out of Ichigo and just like how it arrived is suddenly faded away. When the dust was gone Ichigo Kurosaki appearance changed.

"Tensa Zangetsu" Ichigo said.

"Did you say Bankai?!" Yammy said, while scratching his head. "Hey, Ulquiorra! Is he the guy?" Yammy questioned.

'Idiot…' Ulquiorra thought.

"Yes. Who would have thought that you flailing about could smoke him out so easily? Orange hair, black Bankai… There's no mistaking it. This is our target, Yammy" Ulquiorra said, deciding on explaining to Yammy his thoughts since his partner isn't one of the most…brightest of Arrancar.

"So he saved us the trouble of looking for him! I'm lucky!" Yammy said, with a shit eating grin.

The brute tried to punch the puny boy, but was easily blocked by Ichigo.

"Are you the one who did that to Chad's right arm?" Ichigo questioned, having a stern glare towards Yammy.

'This kid thinks he's all tough, huh?' Yammy thought amusedly.

"What about it?" Yammy said.

The scowling boy simply leaped over the brute and landed behind him. Once Ichigo landed one of Yammy arms were sliced cleaned off. The giant's reaction was indeed priceless, grabbing what's left of his arm and screaming about his missing body part.

'The fool… He went at him without even evaluating his opponent's strength. This is why I told him he should work on his investigative powers.' Ulquiorra having a blank poker face while thinking. 'But that brat… To think that he cut through Yammy's steel skin and cleaved off his arm just like that. I heard that he just recently obtained Bankai, yet his reiastu is so tempered.'

Watching the one sided battle, Ulquiorra continued his evaluation.

'However, at this level, I don't think he represents much of a threat to Aizen-sama' finishing his thoughts.

"Damn you, you brat!" Yammy shouted.

"You can still stand up? You're just as tough as you appear." Ichigo said.

"You're having quite a time there, aren't you? Do you want me to fight him for you?" Ulquiorra half tauntingly asked.

"Shut up!" Yammy said pissed off, as usual. Grabbing his Zanpakuto and was about to pull it when the emotionless man taunted once again.

"Are you going to use your Zanpakuto on a runt like this?" Ulquiorra mocked, with zero emotion on his face.

"I told you to shut up!" Yammy howled.

Yammy once again started to pull out his Zanpakuto, but stopped when he noticed the brat dropping his guard and covering his face with a hand. Yammy gathered that the little shit was asking for a can of whoop ass. The brute being a gentleman decided on humoring the human. The giant kicked Ichigo making him spit out some saliva.

"Kurosaki-kun!" Orihime yelled worriedly.

"Stay back, Inoue!" Ichigo yelled before being smashed to the ground.

The battle hungry giant saw the other girl running towards the runt. Without a second of hesitation he backhanded the teenager.

'Damn I am amazing!' Yammy thought happily.

"Inoue!" the human screamed.

"Shut up!" Yammy said, with a new reformed shit eating grin.

The giant than began to beat the living crap out of Karakura Town's Protector. He grabbed a puff of orange hair before it could fall down.

"I don't know what's going on, but he's suddenly stopped moving!" the giant shout.

'That's strange. All of a sudden that brat's reiastu started fluctuating. However, it's not fluctuating that widely. When his reiatsu is low, it's inconsequential. But when it's high, it's greater than mine. What's going on here?' Ulquiorra thought, showing the slightest amount of intrigue mixed with confusion.

"It's over brat, I'm going to crush you!" Yammy said slamming fist to Ichigo beaten up body. Luckily for the human his fist was blocked by some kind of red shield.

"Hello. Sorry that I'm so late, Kurosaki-san" Urahara said joyfully.

'The hell?' the giant thought confusingly.

"People just keep popping up and getting in the way! Butting in like this means you want me to kill first, right?" Yammy questioned while preparing for a punch and fired. Only to be countered by a woman with purple hair like he was nothing.

"Take care of him" Yoruichi said.

"Sure thing" Kisuke replied.

Giving a small tied up bag to her before vanishing, avoiding Yammy's fist of justice. Yoruichi immediately began to beat up the poor stupid giant, till he dropped to the ground. Ulquiorra who watched his partner got his ass kicked and continue to watch the woman walk towards the orange haired girl, didn't bother to do anything but just watch. Ulquiorra saw that Yammy stood up and started to make his way to the Shunpo master.

'Well this'll end well…' Ulquiorra thought.

"You're a poor loser, aren't you?" Yoruichi questioned. Her reply was a doom blast to the face.

"Hahahahaha, take that! They were blown to bits! There's no way she could have dodged my Cero at this distance." Yammy boasted.

His happiness ended though when he saw both of his targets still alive and the blondie in front of them.

"Who are you? What did you do?! How were you able to do that to my Cero?" Yammy asked shocked.

'My god can't this idiot be anymore stupid? Can he not see that these two are on a whole new level compared to the other trash?' Ulquiorra thought still having a poker face even though this thought would make someone face palm.

"It's just as you saw it, it would have been dangerous for everyone around me if I simply repelled it, and so I just negated it by hitting it with a similar attack." Urahara explained.

"What did you say?" Yammy still questioned.

Ulquiorra sighed a little after hearing Yammy unnecessary idiotic question.

"How about I show it you again if you don't believe me?" the shopkeeper said. "Sing, Benihime!"

'Seems like I'll have to step in.' Ulquiorra thought before using a Sonido to appear in front of Yammy, reflecting the red beam lazily.

"Ulquiorra…" Yammy happily said.

Before Yammy could say anymore, the pale Arrancar smacked his hand towards Yammy chest causing the giant to step back a bit and kneeling down.

"What are you doing?!" the idiot asked.

"You idiot. You're getting in over your head. These guys are Urahara Kisuke and Shihouin Yoruichi. At your current level, you wouldn't be able to defeat them." Ulquiorra said while walking towards and passed Yammy. "We're leaving" creating a Garganta with a flick of his fingers.

"Trying to run away?" Yoruichi said.

"Such provocation is unlike you. It's obvious who has the advantage… when the two of you are trying to protect that worthless trash while fighting against us at the same time. I've completed the mission assigned to me. I'm going to report in to Aizen-sama. I'm going to tell him that the Shinigami he had his eyes set on is trash that isn't even worth killing." Ulquiorra finishing his little speech by jabbing at the orange haired teen one last time, and with that final insult the Garganta closed up.

Both Arrancars walked down the reiastu path, making their way to the exit which will bring them to Las Noches.

"Ulquiorra, my arm still hurts." Yammy complained.

He simply ignored the brute. Maybe the giant will understand the silent treatment and keep his mouth shut.

"Hey Ulquiorra you think we'll go on another mission? I really want to kill those weaklings. Especially that ninja woman!" Yammy said.

'He wants to the fight Yoruichi… Even though the battle, if that's what it's called, ended in a matter of seconds. I'm sure if Urahara Kisuke didn't jump in than Shihouin Yoruichi presumptively would have done something against Yammy Cero' Ulquiorra thought.

"Ulquiorra!" Yammy said attempting to get Ulquiorra attention.

…

"Ulquiorra!" Yammy again trying to get his partner's attention.

…

"Ulquiorra, look at this!" Yammy said pointing at the blackness below the reiastu pathway.

Deciding on humoring the brute Ulquiorra looked down. Seeing how there's nothing out of the unusual.

"Yammy, what is there to point out?" Ulquiorra questioned.

"Oh nothing I just wanted you not to ignore me" the brute said.

Ulquiorra kept his mouth shut and went back to walking at a calmingly nice pace. Yammy seeing how he's being ignored again tried to get Ulquiorra attention a different way. The towering man started nudging Ulquiorra. Still no reply, but Yammy didn't gave up he then started to shake Ulquiorra.

'Ignore the idiot until we're back, give your report to Aizen-sama, and then lock yourself in your room for the rest of the day' Ulquiorra silently thought.

Yammy, having a terrible case of bad luck somehow tripped on the reiastu path while he was pushing Ulquiorra. This caused Yammy mass form to fall on top of Ulquiorra making him fall off too. Ulquiorra attempted to grab onto the spiritual made path, but couldn't since the moment both Espada fell off the path it already started to vanish. As they fall into the emptiness only one thought went through Ulquiorra's head, simple and yet an acceptable thought to anyone who was partnered up with Yammy.

'God dammit Yammy…'

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Author Note Update: Welcome to my second story made, yay! This idea of mine been nagging me for a while. What if by some chance Yammy did something stupid causing both Ulquiorra and himself to fall off the Garganta crossing over a different dimension never (or possibly) coming back to their ordinal universe. My first idea was to send them to the One Piece universe, but the idea somehow bored me. One Piece is a fantastic anime and the fanfictions on it are amusing but well I don't know it's just the thought of Ulquiorra and Yammy being there seems...odd? So I decided in changing the crossover to High School DxD, for now. Sorry if I disappointed anyone.

Anyways go ahead and review, tell me if I did well, flame like no tomorrow if I deserve it (or not).


	2. Chapter 2

I don't own Bleach or High School DxD

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Chapter 2: Useless Garganta

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The Garganta, a spiritual pathway connecting from Hueco Mundo to other worlds. This pathway are usually used by the Arrancars. Currently we find our two heroes (Ha!) falling down into the depths of the Garganta. The smaller of the two Arrancars seem to be in deep thought, while the larger one has a huge smile on his face laughing like a mad man.

"Hahahahaha! Ulquiorra isn't this fun? This is like one of those amusement park things the humans have. Remember the time I blew up one of them? Good times. Hahahahaha!" Yammy joyfully shouted.

Ulquiorra just kept on his never changing blank face.

'Well at least one of us is having a grand time' Ulquiorra bemusedly thought. 'Onto a different note though, this definitely did delayed the success on my mission. It shouldn't be a problem once we reach whatever world we end up in, we'll simply create another Garganta and return to Aizen-sama.'

"Hey Ulquiorra I can see the light!" the giant pointed out.

The fourth Espada looked at where his idiot of a partner pointed towards to. To his amazement Yammy was correct, for once.

"Excellent the sooner we're out of here the better" Ulquiorra replied.

As they reach closer to the opening Ulquiorra could see a blue sky.

'The human world? Strange I wasn't expecting to backtrack there' Ulquiorra shakes his head a bit. 'Doesn't matter we'll just create another Garganta once we arrive at the human world before anyone engages us.'

Finally going through the opening both Ulquiorra and Yammy created a Reishi platform to stand on. They gazed at the town below them.

"This doesn't look like that one place where I was winning against that ninja girl, Ulquiorra" the frowning brute said.

"Yammy, the human world has more than just one town you fool. This is obviously a different town, lucky for us we wouldn't have to worry about any attacks. Anyways come Yammy we're leaving now" Ulquiorra said, deciding on ignoring the comment about Yammy winning that fight against Yoruichi.

"What?! But Ulquiorra I want to kill people!" Yammy half angrily begged.

The fourth Espada turned around and stared at the giant impassively. Knowing well not to piss off Ulquiorra, Yammy submitted while pouting. The emotionless fourth Espada kept his stare at the giant for a few more seconds before moving his gaze back to the town.

'You're no fun' the pouting giant thought.

The fourth Espada brought up his arm and flicked his finger to create a Garganta. The strange thing is he couldn't. He attempted it again and again, but it still didn't open up. Ulquiorra just stood there motionlessly still with his arm up, eventually he slowly brought his arm down. He then looked at Yammy then the ground and back towards the direction where the failed Garganta spot was.

…

…

…

The Espada isn't one to show anger both from the outside and the inside. But this shit right here slightly pissed him off for a reasonably good reason. Though as usual one wouldn't know if he is angry since his face shows zero emotion.

'The fuck…' a frowning Ulquiorra thought. 'A Garganta that wouldn't open up? Maybe the Shinigami's somehow closed it up to prevent anymore surprise attacks.'

Yammy impatiently waited for Ulquiorra to do anything. He did wonder why his partner just suddenly brought up his arm and started flicking his finger to the air. To him it looked like Ulquiorra was doing some kind of finger flicking trick.

'I wonder if he's trying to do a magic trick. Oh, maybe Ulquiorra wants to show me a new technique that uses the mighty power of the finger! Like some kind of fingering attack' the giant nodded his head, agreeing that yes his best buddy must be trying out a new move before showing it to him.

"Yammy, it seems that we cannot for some unknown reason open up a Garganta. For now we'll just lay a low profile until Aizen-sama notices that we haven't arrived back. Understood?" Ulquiorra ordered.

"So does that mean we can kill people? Because I badly want to kill something, like wanting to slap Barragon in his smug prick face kind of bad thing" Yammy begged.

"Great idea Yammy, why not we go around the planet and just start slaughtering the pieces of trash for our amusement. This truly is one of your finest ideas you have ever spoken about" Ulquiorra sarcastically saying this still with a blank face.

"Yay!" the brute cheered. "I got an idea why not we have a cero game! The most kills with a cero wins!" Yammy said like an excited five year old jumping in joy.

Ulquiorra stared at Yammy before looking up at the sky. He's a little shocked that Ulquiorra was actually expecting his partner to notice the sarcasm. Then again the brute is remarkably moronic...

"Yammy, you should know that I was being sarcastic. It pains me to say on how small your brain is, probably the size of an ant. You truly are one of a kind, an unintelligent giant. Congrats on winning first prize in being the most thickheaded Arrancar to ever be born and to be paired up with me no less, lucky you" Ulquiorra insulted before turning around and started to descend to the town.

"Sounds like someone needs a nap…" Yammy muttered before following Ulquiorra.

They both landed on top of a warehouse. The fourth Espada casually walked to one of the edges of the warehouse and looked down. He looked back up and gaze at the town.

'Hmm… The Garganta might not activate for a while or ever, but we can still set up a temporary base and observe our enemies. Maybe I can find some interesting trash for Aizen-sama to use at his leisure. And…' Ulquiorra turned around slightly and watch as Yammy is currently picking his nose. 'Maybe Yammy might be an obedient dog and stay quiet for once' Ulquiorra thought.

"Ulquiorra! I'm bored!" Yammy shouted.

'Ahh… there goes my ears, lovely' the fourth Espada bemused.

"How about you stop from picking your nostrils first?" Ulquiorra requested.

Yammy understanding his best buddy's request stopped picking his nose, just before pulling out a meatball size booger and flinging it towards a flying bird passing by. Rest in peace birdy….

"Well now that you're done picking your nose for a bounty of mucus, which is incredibly revolting to watch" Ulquiorra pointed out to the endless buildings surrounding the town "We'll create a temporary base until we reunite with the great and mighty Aizen-sama. We shall use this base of operations for mostly spying. Do you understand? Or should I repeat this in simpler terms?" Ulquiorra half tauntingly said.

The brute scratched his chin a little having a confused face. Ulquiorra inwardly raged because of his comrade's lack of understanding. Sometimes he wonders why he put up with this idiot, just to remember that Aizen-sama said only he can endure the wraith of the brute's stupidity.

"In simpler terms we are going to create a base to stay in for a while" Ulquiorra clarified, knowing Yammy's ant sized brain he left out the information on spying and other details.

"Okay" the brute agreed.

"I'm happy that you finally understand my plan you imbecile. Can't you tell by my facial expressions?" Ulquiorra saying this while jumping off the warehouse and landing on the ground perfectly. Yammy followed Ulquiorra also jumping down, he might have used a bit too much force. When he landed the ground shook a little and there were cracks left behind.

'There's a thing called holding back he should seriously try it out sometimes…' the smaller Arrancar bemused.

Ulquiorra began his walk towards the center of the town followed by the giant brute. They passed by a few houses all of which looked average and dull. The silent walk through the town was a nice change of pace for Ulquiorra, he could really get used to this maybe this shit wouldn't be so bad.

"Ulquiorra, I got to piss and shit right now" Yammy said.

And just like that the fourth Espada's happy time ended, woo.

"Thank you for telling me this, Yammy" Ulquiorra said.

"Hey Ulquiorra!" the brute said.

"What?" Ulquiorra asked.

"Are we there yet?" Yammy asked having a shit eating grin on his face.

"No" Ulquiorra replied.

"Are we there yet?" again Yammy asked.

"No" the fourth Espada said again.

"Are we there yet?" third's time the charm.

"No" slowly getting annoyed thanks to Yammy.

"Are we there yet?" Yammy again asked happily.

"No" Ulquiorra said pissed off.

"Are we ther-"Yammy was interrupted before he could finish his question.

"No!" Ulquiorra said with a slighty raised voice. "Yammy, please could shut up for once? Because if you don't I might do something I'll surely regret" Ulquiorra said.

"But Ulquiorra" Yammy said causing the fourth Espada to look at him. "Are we there yet?" the giant asked cheekily.

Ulquiorra stopped walking and turned around to Yammy. His idiotic partner stopped wondering why they suddenly stopped. He was about to ask why, but was bitch slapped to the ground.

"I know this might sound difficult, but could you stop asking that idiotic question?" Ulquiorra demandingly asked.

The giant got up back to his feet and stood just to get bitch slapped back to the ground.

"Understood?" Ulquiorra calmly asked.

"Yeah fine whatever…" Yammy muttered.

Ulquiorra knowing that this'll be the best answer he'd would get, he allowed Yammy to stand up before continuing his walk as if what just happened didn't happen at all.

'Prick…' Yammy thought.

As if Ulquiorra could read minds he turned his head back to Yammy and stared at him.

'Holy shit he has mind reading powers, I want mind reading powers too!' the brute thought jealously.

The two Arrancars continued there walk through the town. Thanks to a certain giant the fourth Espada peace and quiet vanished since his partner wouldn't shut the hell up.

Sighing Ulquiorra kept on walking 'Aizen-sama, I'm usually never the begging type of guy, but if you can hear me. Please save me from the clutches of Yammy's moronic behavior' Ulquiorra thought.

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Author Note: I hoped you enjoyed this chapter guys. Not much else happened in this chapter besides Yammy being a dumbass. The next chapter is where things get good so please be patient.

Funny thing is that I wanted to post this chapter Friday, but I got too lazy just to get on my laptop and post this finished chapter. So I decided I'll post this chapter on Saturday and I'm sure you know what happened right? Well you're probably wrong since it wasn't because of laziness that prevented me from posting yesterday. No, what forced me to post this today instead of Saturday were my cousins coming over. So yeah there's my little excuse on why I didn't post this Friday or Saturday.

Anyways go ahead and review, tell if I had done well this chapter, made mistakes on anything, or you're disappointed in me. Doesn't matter what just do it! Or not since I have no control over anyone, sadly. Peace!


	3. Chapter 3

I don't own Bleach or High School DxD

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Chapter 3: The Quest for a Motel!

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Two people could be seen walking through an empty street. One of them is averagely sized while the other one is incredibly huge. The smaller one had his hands in his pockets, casually walking to their destination. The larger one who is following his shorter partner, has a stupid grin on planted on his face.

"So… where exactly are we heading out too?" the giant Arrancar questioned, still having that irritating grin on his face.

"We're going to find a suitable place to rest for the night" Ulquiorra said "We'll probably try out one of those motels that the humans have."

"Shouldn't we be looking for an area that'd be used as a base instead?" Yammy asked.

"Normally yes we should be looking for a temporary base, however I'm somewhat tired from this ordeal" the fourth Espada replied.

"Woah, I think that's a first, Ulquiorra" the brute cheekily said "Never thought I see the day that a Workaholic like you would be lazy!" Ulquiorra's right eye twitched a little. "What would the other Espada members think of you if they found out? What would Aizen-sama say if he found out about your laziness" Yammy innocently questioned.

"Y-you wouldn't?" Ulquiorra asked, fearing Aizen-sama disappointment.

"Hehe maybe I will" the giant sped up a little and is now walking side by side with Ulquiorra "Of course all you got to do is obey my every command. Like give me massages or worship me as if I'm your god hahahahahahaha!" Yammy cheerfully said.

The fourth Espada closed his eyes for a few seconds before opening them up again glaring right through his idiotic partner.

'I might have went too far…' the giant sweatdropped.

"Are you trying to make me into your dog? You want me to be your little obedient servant. Even though that I already loyally follow Aizen-sama, Yammy?" the pale Arrancar asked darkly.

'Scary…' Yammy thought.

"What? No way, I was just messing around with you, Ulquiorra!" the giant said, trying to calm down his partner.

Ulquiorra stared at his partner for a whole minute before turning around and began walking again. "Very well we better hurry, the sooner there's a bed to sleep on the better" Ulquiorra said.

The ultimate duo traveled through the town searching for a motel. It took them a while, but they did eventually find one, except it looked like crap. It was a three floor building having 3 rooms per floor and a parking lot. The reason it looked like crap was that the scenery. One of the windows on the building was smashed open, a spot that was supposed to have a door there was instead replaced by a few wooden planks stacked up together, and finally there was a naked men sleeping on top of a van. The fourth Espada didn't care about the disgusting building, all he cared about was a bed to sleep on. His comrade however, had to voice his opinions on the piece of shit of a building that is apparently a motel.

"Damn, this place is dead ugly. I know human motels are usually nothing special, but this right here is hideous! What kind of moron would want to ever stay here for the night?" the giant said this while watching his partner walk ahead of him again towards the motel. "Well, I guess we all know who's the real moron of the two" Yammy said, grinning like a mad man. The giant began to run, trying to catch up with his partner.

"Yammy, I want you to stand behind me and watch how a professional gets a free room, alright?" the pale man requested.

The brute just nodded his head and watch as his best buddy went to a door that doesn't look like shit. Ulquiorra removed one of his hand from his pocket and brought it up to the door. He knocked once and waited for an answer, which he got. The door opened up to show some scrub only wearing a white t-shirt and black shorts.

"If you're with the government or the church than get the fuck off my property!" the motel owner said before closing the door, but was stopped when an arm reached out to the door and grabbing it preventing the man from closing the door. The man tried pulling harder on the door, hoping the pale guy will lose his grip. After many attempts the land owner gave up and glared at the blank face man in front of him.

"Now that you have my attention, I wish to have the best room you have in this revolting motel of yours" Ulquiorra half demandingly asked.

"You got some balls coming over here demanding you want a room you government dog!" the man shouted.

"You have two options, one you give me what I want, or two make me force you to give me what I want. No matter what I'll win, so choose wisely" Ulquiorra said calmly.

The motel owner seemed like he was about to protest some more, but stopped when he saw a larger man behind the shorter one. Usually this wouldn't scare the guy, but the shit eating grin that the giant was giving off was just… creepy, like rapist kind of creepy.

"Ye-yeah sure I'll give you and your nice friend over there the best room I can over" the man said with a forced smile, before going back into his room.

"You see that Yammy that's how you acquire a room for the night with little to no effort. Perhaps one day you might gain this skill of persuasion" Ulquiorra bragged. The fourth Espada only got a nod as a reply.

'HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHHAHAHA!" the giant inwardly laughed.

The motel owner returned with a room key. The man simply gave Ulquiorra the keys, still watching the brute hoping he wouldn't smash him or something.

"Your room number is 3A, it's the best room that I can offer. It has two newly placed queen size beds that should make you comfortable, I hope that'll be fine sir" the man said.

"It'll do, thank you for your time" the pale Arrancar said before turning and walked towards to the stairs leading to the second floor.

Yammy just stared at the motel owner, still having his shit eating grin. The man gulped, fearing for the worst to come.

"Boo!" the man screamed like a little girl and ran away leaving his door open. This just cause the brute to grin some more.

"Yammy, are you coming up or should I leave you to sleep outside with the squirrels" Ulquiorra said with a slightly raised voice.

"Coming!" Yammy yelled.

Ulquiorra was already heading towards the stairs going up to the third floor when Yammy caught up. Neither of them said anything until they reached their room.

'Oh… I should had asked for another room for Yammy' Ulquiorra thought. 'I'm seriously not in the mood to go back down and grab another room for Yammy too…' he frowned knowing he had no choice or else he had to deal with Yammy's constant bullshit.

The giant notice his partner frowning "Ulquiorra, something on your mind or are you just having one of your emo moments?" Yammy asked, grinning knowing Ulquiorra will question the emo part.

Ulquiorra looked at his comrade strangely. "Emo? Me? Yammy stop being a fool I'm not emo and if you must know I just noticed that we'll have to return back to the motel owner and request for another room for yourself" the fourth Espada said this with a sigh.

The giant placed his hand below his chin and began thinking. As if a lightbulb just shined on top of his head when he made an "O" face, smacking his hand to his palm.

"I got an idea buddy!" Yammy said happily.

"I'm not your buddy, Yammy and your ideas always end up with someone dying or something destroyed, usually both" Ulquiorra muttered the last part to himself.

"Oh come oooooooon it's a really awesome idea!" the giant begged childishly.

The pale Arrancar wanted to face palm so badly right now. Here standing in front of him is one of Aizen-sama strongest soldiers in his army. You would think that these soldiers wouldn't be so childish, you thought wrong.

'Now that I think about it everyone who's an Espada is kind of childish. There's Aaroniero who wishes to devour everyone and gain strength to prove that he isn't some weak cannon fodder. Next one would be Szayelaporro that freak gets so giddy when he has a new subject or project to do, kind of like a child having a new toy to play with. Zommari, is loyal to Aizen-sama like me, but he does act like a whinny brat when he's losing in a fight, he also loves to brag about his powers' this caused Ulquiorra to roll his eyes 'the blue haired Smurf, Grimmjow… wants to be king and is battle hungry. Nnoitra, battle hungry enough said. The third Espada Tier Harribel, she's a loyal one and really I say her only flaw is wanting to protect her fraccion, I suppose she's an exception then. The last two Coyote Starrk and Barragan Luisenbarn, our number one Espada is deadly and powerful, truly someone to fear only flaw is that he's lazy. Barragan is an egotist king living a fairy tale dream of reclaiming his underserved throne' Ulquiorra didn't even notice his partner, Yammy trying to get his attention. He only notice when the giant started slapping his face.

"Are you there, Ulquiorra? Say something! Don't leave me behind! Speak to me!" Yammy shouted, begging his partner to snap out of his thoughts while still slapping his partner like no tomorrow. Ulquiorra did finally snap out of his thoughts and instantly twisted the giant's right hand.

"AHHHHHHHHHH STOP IT BEST BUDDY YOU'RE BREAKING MY FAVORITE HAND!" Yammy shouted/groaned.

'Gross…' the pale Arrancar let go the arm and noted to himself to wash his hands. The brute massaged his hand a bit before looking back at his partner. "So Ulquiorra what do you think? What to hear my idea now?" the idiotic giant asked.

The fourth Espada knew the brute wouldn't shut up if he didn't at least hear him so he decided on humoring him. For all he knew this idea of his could actually be helpful.

"Alright, what is this ingenious idea of yours?" Ulquiorra questioned with a slight grin planted on his face.

"Why not let me go and ask the motel owner for a room key while you rest. I mean you been through a lot and could use a nap, so it be nice if I can do this while you're relaxing" Yammy said.

'Huh… That is actually considerate of him. Even though I know he probably has some other motive in doing this it's still nice' the fourth Espada thought.

"You know that plan of yours isn't half bad and I would most definitely appreciate the extra time to rest" Ulquiorra pulled out his keys and unlocked the door. "Go ahead and get yourself a room, Yammy. Oh and try not to cause too much chaos it be a real shame if I have to kill you and explain to Aizen-sama your reckless behavior" Ulquiorra finished and went inside his room, there was a locking sound that could be heard.

'There's no way I'm going back down to that little bitch and get some keys for a room' Yammy thought and grew a grin when he thought of something 'I guess I got no choice, but to borrow someone else's room.'

The giant went to the room next door and kicked it down. The door fell and there Yammy could see a chubby fellow sitting on his bed looking through his phone. The chubby man paused at what he was doing when he heard the sound of his door being kicked down. He looked up only to see a giant imposing man with a dark grin to his face and he could swear he saw a red glow to those red eyes of his.

"Sup" Yammy greeted while cracking his knuckles.

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Author Note: Chapter 3 is up woo! I hoped you enjoyed this chapter. So Ulquiorra and Yammy finally found a place to stay for the night thanks to the kind motel owner and chubby fellow, such nice people.

Anyways I'm kind of sorry about this chapter you see I wanted to show some of the characters in High School DxD in this chapter, but I kind of got zoned into this little motel searching quest. Last chapter I said this chapter was going to be interesting and while that I'm sure it was, I am still disappointed in myself not bringing in the story line. So from now I won't make any promises, though if you're wondering this story will get good in probably Chapter 4 or 5.

Oh and in case anyone checked out my story Bambietta Stupendous Adventure I'll probably have a chapter up in a few days at most.

Anyways go ahead and review, tell me if you enjoyed this chapter, could have been better, or was a little disappointed in the chapter because to be honest I'm a little disappointed myself. See ya everyone!


	4. Chapter 4

I don't own Bleach or High School DxD

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Chapter 4: Base Hunting

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Another glorious morning is among us. As the sun slowly appear so does another wonderful happy day began, to most people at least. In a certain town where it may look like just an average town actually has its fair share of supernatural activities. Located somewhere in this town is a not so important crappy motel that haves the honor of having two overpowered beings to use their establishment to stay the night. Our favorite two Espada members are currently sleeping in their own rooms. One of them is blissfully snoring like a pig. The other Arrancar isn't snoring or breathing at all to the human eye at least, almost as if he was a statue placed on the bed. This peaceful slumber was interrupt by a single bird chirp. Usually this wouldn't affect most people, but the fourth Espada is exactly normal. The pale Arrancar eyes opened up immediately when he heard the first sounds of bird chirping. The Arrancar brought himself up and is now sitting on his bed staring at the window where the bird could be seen, it was a little Rock Wren.

'So that's what birds sound like…' Ulquiorra thought. 'They're quite the nuisance, I'll have to remind to Aizen-sama to exterminate these feathery demons.'

The fourth Espada pulled himself off the bed and stretch out his arms, still staring at the window.

'What does that ugly little monstrosity want?' the Arrancar wondered.

All this time the Rock Wren kept on chirping, annoying the fourth Espada. Ulquiorra stared at the bird while it did the same just chirping as well. With quick ease the pale Arrancar leaped towards the feathery vermin. The Rock Wren seeing the 'humans' actions quickly stretch out its wings and prepare to fly away. The Espada jabbed his right hand through the window shattering it and continue the onslaught towards the bird. The Rock Wren had managed to dodge the pale hand that would have most definitely grabbed it and squeezed the living crap out of it by taking flight to the skies. The Espada not wanting to accept such failure in ridding the trash jumped out of the window and landed on the ground. He then brought up his index finger up and aimed it at the Rock Wren. The fourth Espada charged up a Bala and fired the swift death beam straight to the Rock Wren. By some bullshit luck the tiny bird actually managed to dodge the blast by doing a barrel roll.

'How did that trash manage to dodge my Bala?' the pale man questioned himself. Without any delay the bird quickly flew away and Ulquiorra could have sworn he saw a smug grin on that bird, if birds could grin that is.

Slowly the pale Espada brought down his arm while staring at the sky where that piece of trash escaped his clutches.

'Why did I even act like that? The bird is an annoyance that is obvious, but were my actions acceptable? Maybe for someone like Grimmjow or Yam-'Ulquiorra paused on his thoughts when he just remembered who and what his partner is. 'Oh no… Yammy's stupidity is somehow affecting me…' this made the pale Arrancar frown deeply. No one wants to be Yammy, well no one who is sane wants to be Yammy.

'It would be best to wake him up, we have much to do after all' Ulquiorra thought.

The fourth Espada silently sighed and began his walk to his comrade room. The fourth Espada already knows his comrades Reiatsu so it was easy to reach to Yammy's room. He would have knocked if there were a door. Peeking his head inside the giant's room Ulquiorra noticed some disturbing things. First of all the entire room was a mess, there were extra blanket sheets lying on the ground, a few pieces of cloth spread through the room, and a few furniture lying around like chairs and desks. What really brought the pale man's attention was the bloody mess of a human corpse tied up on a chair. If the pale Arrancar didn't knew a body well he would have thought that the human corpse was some sort of dead animal, it was that beaten up. And finally Ulquiorra brought his sights to the one that probably did all of this chaos. The sleeping brute was hugging a pillow and snoring. This made the fourth Espada eye twitch.

Ulquiorra walked towards the sleeping giant staring blankly at him. Sometimes he wonder why he even put up with his partners annoying behavior. He suddenly had the sudden urge to grab the brute and throw through the ceiling and firing a cero at him completely obliterating him. Shaking his head from these thoughts, such thoughts are for those who have little self-control and Ulquiorra has plenty of self-control if he didn't than Aizen-sama wouldn't have dubbed him as his bit… The Behemoth Arrancar started to stir in his sleep causing Ulquiorra look down on him. Without a second of hesitation the fourth Espada brought up his fist and slammed it down on Yammy's gut. The giant's eyes literally popped out when his partner's fist hit him.

The pale Arrancar stepped back and observed his giant of a partner coughing fit. When Yammy finally stopped coughing he began looking around furiously trying to find the asshole who hit him. The giant eventually landed his eyesight on Ulquiorra.

"What the hell was that for, Ulquiorra!?" the brute yelled.

"My bad I must have not hit you hard enough" the fourth Espada said with a shrug.

"Yeah you definitely didn't hit me hard enough" Yammy muttered rubbing his stomach.

The shorter of the two Arrancars look back at the corpse finding it much more interesting than his partner. The giant noticed his best buddy sudden interest in his masterpiece this brought great happiness to the brute, knowing at least some people could understand the beauty of what he likes to 'Yammy Stylish Corpse Art.'

"Ahh I see you notice my temporary roommate/latest victim. So what you think? You like my work, Ulquiorra?" Yammy asked the smarter of the two Arrancars hoping to get some input on his work and maybe some tips and advice for next piece of art that he is already planning on.

The fourth Espada gave the giant a strange look "Yammy, you have a beaten up bloody mess of a corpse tied down to a chair and you're asking me my opinion on this revolting 'work' of yours?" Ulquiorra questioned.

"Well yeah… I mean you're into stuff like that right? So I thought you would like this and maybe give a few tips" the moron said innocently.

The pale Arrancar decided on ending this conversation by turning around and walking out of the room.

"He-hey! Ulquiorra where are you going? You still didn't give me your opinion!" the giant cried.

"Shut your mouth you fool, we're leaving this revolting place understand?" the giant walked alongside with his partner completely ignoring the corpse left behind. "Besides because of a certain foolish kill hungry giant, not pointing any fingers, will have leave a tad bit earlier than usual" Ulquiorra finished.

"Woah sounds like this giant is a real asshole should we hunt him down? A douche like that doesn't deserve to live after all, destroying the peace… that giant prick got some nerve!" the brute roared.

The fourth Espada gave the giant a blank look before bringing back his sights back to his destined direction.

'He's so god damn stupid…' the pale man thought, shaking his head just from the sheer stupidity.

The ultimate duo left the motel and began their search for a suitable spot as a base. They located a few abandon warehouses and other buildings but Yammy being a picky bitch wouldn't accept them for some idiotic reason. So here they are now walking up to what look to be an abandon church.

"Hey buddy you think we could use this place as a base? I kind of like the whole gloomy feeling it fits you well you know? And I bet there's room for me to add some of my fun things" the giant asked and ending saying something somewhat creepy.

'I'm not even going to question on what he meant about fun things' the pale Arrancar thought.

"This church will serve us well, an abandon church holding two Espada members? I'm sure the Shinigami wouldn't notice" Ulquiorra replied.

Both Arrancars made their way to the abandon church not knowing they were being watched. Well that's what the watchers thought since both of the people that they're watching kept on walking to the church ignoring or not even noticing their presence, these two were easy prey.

Yammy being a simpleminded giant probably didn't notice the group following them. The other Espada member did notice a while ago. He notice when they made their next destination to the church. They were following them for a while until they reach the boundaries of the church that was surrounded by a well-hidden barrier of some kind. Ulquiorra decided on not commenting about their stalkers to Yammy seeing how that wouldn't do much good, instead he'll walk into their little trap like a boss.

The ultimate duo finally made it to the entrance of the church. Ulquiorra's partner did a stupid little dance before pumping his fists to the air.

"About damn time, god that was such a long walk!" Yammy shouted.

"Yes I suppose it was a long walk… to lazy fools that is" the pale Arrancar taunted.

"Oh hell no don't start this shit with me! We both know full well who the real lazy ass here is!" the giant once again shouted, this made the fourth Espada narrow his eyes at him. The brute knows full well where this is leading to and to be honest Ulquiorra would like it if he didn't brought it up ever again.

Before Ulquiorra could reply to Yammy's comment who has a shit eating grin on his face, four people landed surrounding them. Three of them were females while the last one was a male, strange thing is they all had black feathery wings. The male looked to be a middle aged man with short black hair and dark blue eyes. His attire consisted of a pale violet trench coat over a white dress shirt with a matching ascot, and a black fedora. The next one is a girl with blonde hair and blue eyes, she wore a gothic dress with white frills, a large black bow on the front, and a green jewel embedded on the collar. An older taller woman with long blue hair, her choice of clothing is a violet revealing trench coat giving a wonderful view of her assets. The last winged mystery person is a black haired woman with a busty figure. Her attire consisted of leather strapped around her, a thong that is held around her hips, and a shoulder guard-like objects on her shoulders.

The black haired busty woman took a step ahead of the rest and stared at the two Arrancars. Probably observing them or something, maybe she's trying to figure out their purposes. Was it that hard just to ask? They might not even get an answer, but asking never hurts anyone.

"Who are you two and why did you come here?" the black haired busty woman asked.

The fourth Espada kept on a passive blank face, still having both his hands in pockets. The giant started picking his nose and looked at a random different direction as if this wasn't a threat at all.

"Wouldn't you like to know, huh?" Ulquiorra questioned.

The black haired busty woman narrowed her eyes "So are you going to tell us or should we just save everyone time and throw out the trash.

'Did that woman just use Ulquiorra's favorite word?' the giant thought astounded. At first Yammy didn't care about these winged people and their idle threats, but when the woman used the word trash well he knew things were about get a whole lot more interesting.

* * *

Author Note: Chapter 4 is up baby woo yay awesome! So in this chapter the epic pair finally met a few characters in the High School DxD universe. And maybe this church may or may not be their base of operations.

Not much else to say besides review! Tell me if liked this chapter, wanted more, or maybe you're a little pissed because of my troll like cliffhanger. Sayonara suckers!


	5. Chapter 5

I don't own Bleach or High School DxD

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Chapter 5: Cheesecake-kun

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Two males, one huge as hell who is trying his best to control his sudden urge to laugh, while the other one that is much smaller compared to the giant is analyzing the four unknown winged foes in front of them.

'Those wings… Are they some sort of hybrid of a bird and human?' the pale Arrancar wondered. 'Hopefully they aren't related to that other bird, it be a shame to clip there wings and blast them into oblivion. Though I'm sure these winged people wouldn't be missed by anyone.'

Yammy kept on looking back at Ulquiorra and at the four black winged strangers, having a cocky smirk on his face. He was really hoping something will happen, something violent. So the giant Arrancar waited patiently for anything to happen, be it Ulquiorra striking them down or the four bird people to attack. As time passed so did Yammy's limited patience and that could only mean one thing.

"Ulquiorra! Are you going to kill them or should I just accept that you're a wuss!" the giant shouted. That's right good ol' Yammy will insult and provoke his partner into doing anything at this moment, hopefully this'll means a beat down on their enemies.

'God dammit Yammy…' the fourth Espada thought irritated.

"Yammy you should seriously try to control your bloodlust" Ulquiorra saying this while staring blankly at his partner.

The brute blinked once then twice before scratching chin and adopting an expression of confusion.

"What?" Yammy asked confusingly.

'Why… why must I be partnered up with this brainless fool? Why?' Ulquiorra glared down at the ground, tightening his fists slightly while questioning himself.

After calming himself down the fourth Espada brought his gaze back to the four in front of him and Yammy. The said four all had faces of confusion and pity probably wondering if they should do something about the situation. On one hand they could easily (to them) attack the distracted two and kill them swiftly. However on the other hand they actually feel some pity towards the smaller of the two men and are actually debating if he could use some help. The busty black haired woman seem to be the only one to be focusing on the task at hand.

The busty black haired woman manifested a purple spear before aiming it directly at Ulquiorra with one hand while the other hand was placed on her hip. She had this dangerous cocky smirk on her face that just screams "come and get some!" The fourth Espada only answered was to stare at her still having a disinterest face.

"Now if you two are done with your quarreling could either of you answer my fucking question? Yes I'm looking at you, you cheesecake skinned mistake of a man" the busty black haired woman said, still keeping that cocky smirk of hers on.

Ulquiorra narrowed his eyes and took a step closer to the four. The woman narrowed her eyes as well and tighten her hold on the spear. The other three manifested their spears as well, all preparing for fight. The brute didn't do anything to show that'll he join the fray, but instead he began laughing.

"HAHAHAHAHAHAHA! Oh god HAHAHAHAHA! Ulquiorra she called you a failure of a cheesecake AND a man! HAHAHAHAHA!" Yammy was pounding his fist on the ground dying of laughter. The cheesecake fourth Espada eye twitched. "So should I start calling you cheesecake man? Or how about Aizen-sama favorite cheesecake?"

"Yammy quit acting like a fool this no time to act like a child" Ulquiorra said in a relaxed and calm tone. This did not mean he wasn't trying to hold back the urge to straggle his partner to death for his insolence.

The laughing giant continue laughing and insulting the pale Arrancar with these idiotic nicknames.

"How about the rotten cheesecake?" Yammy asked still laughing a little.

"No" Ulquiorra answered irritated.

"Then how about the emo cheesecake?" the giant said.

"Again no, Yammy" the cheesecake emo replied with the same answer. He glared at his partner with an almost empty look in his eyes. The brute knows this look well though, knowing if he continue that shit is about to go down on his ass.

"Okay this is the last one I swear!" Yammy begged.

"Don't you dare!" Ulquiorra raised his voice slightly showing how irritated he is.

"Oh come on cheesecake-kun where's your since of adventure?" the massive Arrancar asked, having this shit eating grin on his face.

"About somewhere down the Garganta locked away for who knows how long" the pale Arrancar replied.

Before the two could continue their interesting 'chat' the same busty woman once again broke the pitying that her comrades were giving to the fourth Espada.

"Now I enjoy a duo of dumbasses as the next guys, but this is becoming incredibly stupid to watch. And I have to say this, this is sad to watch as well. Seriously why are you two friends? Haven't you heard the saying 'you can choose your friends but not your family'? So unless you two are related, which I highly doubt, then there should be no reason why you two are so chummy" she stated.

"Well you see me and my best buddy have an amazing relationship that only myself can understand. That's right not even Ulquiorra knows why we're the best of friends. Right amigo?" Yammy finished while patting his partner on the head.

The fourth Espada swatted the giant Arrancar's hand before clarifying to the woman, "What my partner said is completely incorrect. We do not have any sort of friendship whatsoever so please don't say that we are" Yammy had the biggest what the fuck face, but Ulquiorra simply ignored him "It is more like a forced partnership if anything. Being paired up with this oaf of an idiot was simply a part of faith and bad luck."

"Ah I see my bad it's just it looked like some kind of messed up friendship to me" coughing into her hand trying to hide away the small amount of embarrassment "Anyways back to my question. Who the hell are you two and answer to me why the both of you are here?" the busty black haired woman questioned with a glare, foregoing her cocky smirk.

"That's classified" the pale Arrancar decided to play the douchebag FBI role.

"Well you see we were looking for a nice spot for a base of operations" the simpleminded giant answered.

The fourth Espada head slowly and creepily turned to Yammy.

"What is wrong with you, you fool?" Ulquiorra asked.

"I don't see anything wrong with me cheesecake-kun" he replied while picking his nose.

Cheesecake-kun messaged his forehead hoping desperately to recover from Yammy's constant stupidity.

"Forget what I said" the pale man said.

"Weird" the giant removed another beautiful meatball sized booger before flicking it to a nearby tree. The booger pierced through the tree like a knife on butter and continue penetrating through a dozen more trees.

'What the hell? That snot of his just went through those trees like nothing. Even if that is disgusting he did break through a dozen or so trees with a damn booger! What the hell!' the busty black haired woman is currently having a meltdown.

"Hmm I think that was a new record" Yammy mused. The giant then began stretching and quietly chanting to himself. The chanting volume increased to a point where everyone could hear him perfectly.

"YES YES YES! I COULD WIN! I FEEL GREAT! I CAN DO THIS AHHHH!" the giant roared with a new untouched power.

"What are you doing?" Ulquiorra questioned not just to himself but to the others as well.

"Ah nothing" the brute said, looking away.

"Really? Cause it looks like that you were chanting to yourself" the fourth Espada pointed out.

"What? No of course not I was just preparing" Yammy said.

"Preparing for what exactly?" the pale Arrancar seriously wondered what's inside his comrade's brain sometimes.

"Isn't it obvious?" the massive Arrancar asked. He had this this expression on his face as if what Ulquiorra said was the most stupid thing he ever heard before, and that's coming from him!

"No it isn't obvious, so could you care to explain to me what is exactly inside that poor excuse of brain of yours before I remove your other ar-" the fourth Espada immediately stopped talking when he noticed one important factor. Yammy missing arm is perfectly attached to his body. Yammy has two arms.

"Yammy, how do you have both of your arms?" Ulquiorra quickly changed the subject of his chanting to something far more interesting.

"Huh what are you talking about best buddy? My arms has always been here" the giant said this a little slower making sure his friend understood that he does have two arms just like everyone else.

"No, what I meant is when Kurosaki was beating you down he chopped off one of your arms which you then began to cry out pathetically" Ulquiorra stated in a serious tone of voice.

'Dick' the giant thought slightly pissed. Yammy did though look back at his arm, trying his best to remember what happened. He does remember the events on Karakura Town perfectly.

They have both arrived there where he began sucking up some shit tasting souls which attracted two humans. The Mexican dude got beaten down easily (good times) and the other woman was about to get some ass kicking as well before the target of the mission came. In the beginning of the fight the orange haired prick was winning only thanks to Yammy being generous in the fight, it wasn't like he was actually losing. That asshole brat did sliced his arm off in the skirmish. After that the giant beat the living crap out of the kid, two others came a ninja bitch and pedophile shopkeeper. After Yammy amazingly won without breaking a sweat he began to brag to his partner who was praising his awesome strength and tactical skills. Somehow though Yammy's overwhelming swag made him trip which brought him and his best buddy down to the Garganta.

"Hmm you know Ulquiorra… I have no stinking idea when this arm came back to me" the brute wondered.

'Yammy doesn't have my extreme regeneration nor is it anywhere close to my. So the question is how and when did he regrow his arm back' Ulquiorra pondered.

"We'll investigate this case some more later, Yammy. Right now we must solve this small problem" the fourth Espada said, bringing back there original focus on the four winged people.

"Oh yeah I forgot about those four!" Yammy said with a giant grin.

"Yes you do tend to forget many things, Yammy" the fourth Espada said.

The giant walked up to Ulquiorra making the smaller Arrancar to look at him.

"So Ulquiorra remember when I was preparing?" Yammy asked.

"If you mean chanting then yes I do remember" Ulquiorra said.

"Whelp you see I was preparing to kick these four asses until they drop dead" the giant informed, cracking his knuckles.

The four winged people all gotten into their battle stances upon hearing those fighting words.

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 **Author's Note: Annand cut! I hope you enjoyed this chapter guys. I know some of you been waiting for another chapter in this adventure so here it is. Oh and I would like to say that I am sorry for the wait hopefully this won't be an issue anymore.**

 **In this chapter you see the comedic duo argue a lot and some insight on the four enemies (who I'm sure everyone knows who they are). And the question to Yammy suddenly growing back an arm wasn't answered, yet.**

 **See you in the next chapter and don't forget to review! Relish me in your positive or negative feedback people! Tell me if you enjoyed the mass humor in this chapter or you're pissed that I left on another cliffhanger. Have a wonderful day readers!**


	6. Chapter 6

I don't own Bleach or High School DxD

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Chapter 6: Just a Scratch?

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As the behemoth of a man prepares for the four winged individuals by doing basic stretches, Ulquiorra quickly looked through the four before bringing his sight back to his partner.

"Try to control your bloodlust, Yammy" the pale Arrancar said blankly.

The giant moved his head by an inch to see his partner. Yammy only shows a grin towards his partner before getting down on the ground began doing pushups.

"No worries cheesecake-kun, I got this under control" the brute replied cheekily.

"Do you know now? Because I'm quite sure… no positive that mass chaos will be knocking on this town's door practically begging to reign havoc upon it" Ulquiorra stated this as if he was talking about the weather to his massive unsophisticated partner.

The giant stopped his activity for a second, probably thinking about his comrade's comment, before continuing doing pushups.

"Hahahaha! Oh you're funny best buddy! But no worries I promise not to destroy much hahahaha!" Yammy cackled.

"I believe that you're missing th-" the fourth Espada started only to be interrupted by the rude brute.

"Nah!" the giant denied whatever Ulquiorra was about to say.

"You should seriously listen to me, Yammy. This is for the go-" again the pale Arrancar began.

"Nah!" Yammy interrupted again.

Ulquiorra decided on keeping his mouth shut. There are times where one must learn to how does the kids call it? 'Shut the fuck?' Using this valuable term, the pale Arrancar did exactly that.

Yammy jumped up into the air before crashing down on the ground. There were visible cracks as Yammy stomps on the ground bellowing out a mighty roar.

"Alright I'm pumped up now and now time for a beat down on you idiots!" the giant exclaimed, grinning like a mad man.

"Don't drop your guards' people" the busty woman warned.

"Oh please this human is nothing compared to Fallen Angels" the one male said waving his hand to the others. "Obviously this human isn't normal, his earlier demonstrations has shown us that he haves immense physical strength. However even though this brute has proven to us that he could easily destroy the environment using his snot that doesn't prove that he could even hit us" the fedora man pointed out.

"Dohnaseek" the busty black haired woman began "Even if this thing is a human that doesn't mean we should underestimate him. You yourself said that this retard has immense physical strength, correct?" she asked.

"Indeed you are correct" Dohnaseek said.

"Then it is obvious that this man shouldn't be taken as a weakling human. So as I said before keep you guards' up people!" the busty woman ordered.

"Understood" the fedora man said while hardening his sights on the giant.

"Of course Raynare-san" the blue haired busty woman obediently said.

"Well if I got to then fine!" the blonde haired girl gleefully yelled excitedly.

The four Fallen Angels all prepped up, waiting for the giant to make the first move. The wait wasn't that long though since said giant launched himself towards them laughing like a crazed man. Raynare eyes widened and she quickly ordered them to take flight and separate.

A large amount of dust began to form and surround where the Fallen Angels once stood when Yammy impacted at said location.

The pale Arrancar watches as the three females escaped Yammy's mad charge by taking flight to the air, the male wasn't seen with them though.

"Where's Dohnaseek?" the blonde questioned.

Raynare was about to say something before they all heard a terrifying screech. They watched as the dust began to disappear. Once the dust mostly went away they could clearly see a grinning Yammy slamming the fedora Fallen Angel like a ragdoll.

"HEL-" Dohnaseek couldn't complete his sentence when he was slammed again on the ground. "ME!" once again he was meant with the ground.

Both the blonde and busty blue haired woman charged at the rampaging brute. Yammy say the Fallen Angels pitiful excuse of an attack and easily countered them by swinging Dohnaseek's crying body as a baseball bat towards the closest attacking Fallen Angel. All the busty woman could see was a broken bruised body crashing right into her sending both her and Dohnaseek to a nearby tree.

"Hell yeah!" the giant roared.

The blondie paused on her pursuit to free her partner when she watched as the brute dismissed Kalawarner using Dohnaseek as a weapon, all in the matter of seconds. She froze when the giant man brought gaze to her.

"Midget's next!" Yammy laughed, leaping a small distance quickly and blocked out the blonde Fallen Angel view of practically anything because of his large form. The girl could only scream and accept the beat down she was about to have free of charge by everyone's friendly neighborhood killer, Yammy.

Yammy brought up his hand and slapped the tiny girl making her cough up some blood. He then grabbed one of her legs and slammed her down onto the now destroyed ground. Raynare quickly snapped out of her fear of this monsters restlessly violence. The busty woman threw her light spear with as much force she could muster to the giant. The brute didn't notice the spear striking down on him until it clipped through his handsome (to him) face.

The giant Arrancar seized his fun and brought his hand up to his face. He began touching his right cheek, he felt something wet dripping down on his face. He looked down on the ground to see a few drops of blood close by.

Ulquiorra wondered what the hell his comrade is doing. He watched as the brute rubbed his face and gaze down on the few drops of his own blood. What happened next actually surprised the fourth Espada.

"YOU BITCH! HOW DARE YOU SCRATCH MY BEAUTIFUL HANDSOME FACE! MY PRECIOUS MODELING CAREER GONE!" the giant roared so loudly that a few individuals from the Underworld hear clearly as day. One of said individuals was staring at a picture of his younger sister. The mighty roar made the man accidently trip and rip the picture in half, tears of agony could be heard across the Underworld thanks to this drastic event.

Raynare the Fallen Angel and the leader of the other Fallen Angels is currently scared shitless. She never seen such a retarded display of affection to one's face and to take it to another level by bellowing with so much anger. She watches as Yammy carelessly through her comrade, Mittelt, like a piece of garbage. Raynare notice that the giant didn't remove his sight from her and only grinded his teeth angrily.

"You done fucked up bitch, you hear!? You somehow fucked up and ruined my glorious face that was blessed by the gods of all life and shit!" Yammy yelled.

"It was ju-just a scr-scra-scratch! You idiotic fool!" Raynare stammered in the beginning, but regained her cool in the end of her insult.

"Just a scratch?" the brute muttered.

"Did you say something?" the busty woman asked, having seen the giant move his mouth, but didn't hear what he said.

"Just a scratch? Just a scratch? JUST A SCRATCH!? I'LL SHOW YOU A SCRATCH!" the crazed Arrancar declared.

Yammy slammed his fist on the ground before launching himself like a cannonball straight towards Raynare. The Fallen Angel barely had time to block and only had enough time to manifest a light spear. The giant slapped the light spear out of her hands and forcefully grabbed her by the neck. The giant squeeze the woman's neck making her cough.

"Here's my 'scratch' bird" Yammy said darkly. He reared back and punched her gut. Raynare coughed up blood and scream, but Yammy kept on punching her gut. After a while the brute let go of Raynare's neck, and watches her as she fall breathing heavily. The deadly giant quickly grabbed both of her feet and began spinning her around wildly. He then threw her at a random direction. Yammy used Sonido to appear right in front of the Fallen Angel, this caused her smaller body to hit his.

Raynare flinched a little when she hit a hard surface, well more like a hard muscled body… oh shit. Still in a daze she could only watch as the behemoth brought up his fist and slammed right down on her head. The savagely hard hit send her already beaten body crashing down to the church. She easily penetrated through the churches' roof and crashed inside the build laying beaten.

"Did you like me scratching you huh?" the giant said a lot more calmly, seems like his rage is coming down a notch.

A figure appear out of the woods and swooped down on the giant. The figure created a light spear and attempted to impale Yammy. To the figures shock the light spear broke when it impacted directly on his target.

"H-how?" Dohnaseek asked to no one in particular.

"I Believe it's because I have more swag then all of you combined" the brute said with a new reformed shit-eating grin.

'What is this swag?' Ulquiorra wondered.

Yammy backhanded the fedora freak causing him in a daze. The brute watched amused as the man tried to reclaim his vision by shaking his head, the Arrancar interrupted his little attempts by kicking him straight to the face and forced himself to land down on the ground with Dohnaseek below his foot.

Once landed the giant kicked the Fallen Angel up to the air and slapped both of his hands to the man's cheek.

"Augh… what happen?" the middle-aged man asked.

"This" Yammy said.

He bitch slapped Dohnaseek, sending him to the church. The moment his hand landed on the man's face the last two Fallen Angels appeared behind him both wielding light spears and went to strike the brute down for good. The brute tanked the light spears and took a step back to now be the middle between the two. With a shit-eating grin he slammed his right and left hand to both of the Fallen Angels faces. They weren't sent flying though, instead the two girls were crushed down on the badly destroyed ground.

Yammy grabbed both of their asses and fling them to the church to join up with the other badly injured Fallen Angels.

The brute dusted his hands and looked at his handiwork. Many of the trees surrounding the abandon church was either missing completely or left with only stumps. The ground had many cracks and a small crater. All and all it wasn't his best work, but then again he has to remind himself that these winged people weren't even worth to be used as Bala target practice. Shrugging he turned around and faced his best buddy who was surprisingly quiet during the fight. He kind of wished that Ulquiorra said something even if it was to taunt him, beating down people could be boring without a commentary after all.

"So cheesecake-kun did you like my plan?" Yammy innocently asked with a grin.

The fourth Espada looked at the destruction and back at his partner.

"Well I'm proud that the devastation wasn't that maddening" Ulquiorra confessed while beginning to walk towards the abandon church.

"Yeah I told you I wouldn't destroy much, right? I deserve a reward for being so much better" the brute exclaimed happily.

"So much better in what?" though the pale Arrancar already has a decent guess on who he's talking about.

"You of course!" the mindless giant said with zero fear of the impending doom await for him, either that or he was so blinded by his stupidity to notice jack shit.

"Hmm…" Ulquiorra sounded.

"By the way Yammy, do you remember why we did came here in the first place?" Ulquiorra questioned.

"We're out here looking for a base" the brute replied.

"Very good now what was that church going to be if it was acceptable" the pale Arrancar lead to the evitable.

"Our… base… oh" Yammy understood what he meant.

"So Yammy give me one reason why I shouldn't punish you for ruining a suitable location for our base" Ulquiorra asked, keeping his hands inside the pocket and staring blankly at the church.

"Because we're best buddies?" the giant weakly muttered.

Ulquiorra close his eyes and replied to his partner's crappy excuse, "No" and with that Ulquiorra slapped Yammy's face sending him straight to the ground. The pale Arrancar's virgin ears could clearly hear the beautiful sound of a crack bone, this made Ulquiorra give a small smirk at the sound.

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 **Author's Note: I hope you all enjoy the beating Yammy gave to the Fallen Angels and I do hope the combat was decent.**

 **I don't really have much to say this time besides one thing! There is a slight chance that'll post another chapter soon just because it's December. So keeps your fingers crossed if you want an early chapter up.**

 **Remember to review and tell me what you thought of this chapter. Did you like the combat? Could it use some work? Anyways I'll see readers in the next chapter.**


	7. Chapter 7

I don't own Bleach or High School DxD

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Chapter 7: New Allies…?

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Two similarly dressed men began to leisurely walk to what seems like to be a badly damaged church. The larger of the two men is currently rubbing his right cheek and glaring heatedly at his partner. If looked carefully you could clearly see a nasty bruise on his right cheek. The smaller of the two men is calmly walking towards the church ignoring his comrade's attempt at glaring.

"Son of a bitch! Ulquiorra did you have to hit me that hard?" the giant questioned, still pissed off.

"You deserved it you insubordinate trash" the fourth Espada said.

"Yeah… but still it hurts Cheesecake-kun" Yammy groaned.

"If it makes you feel any better you are allowed to hit me out of stress or rage, whichever suits you well" the fourth Espada said in his normal emotionless tone.

"Really? Awesome!" the giant said way too happily to Ulquiorra's liking.

Just as Yammy prepared for his fist to land straight towards the pale man cheek, his partner had to ruin the fun.

"But be warned if you do decide to attempt to strike me down with your feeble amount of strength there will be a drastic repercussions happening to you" Ulquiorra warned.

His answer to the warning was a "tsk" and something else that he couldn't quite hear perfectly, he did hear words like "unfair" and "bastard" out of Yammy's constant whining.

The two eventually reached to their destination, in front of the crappy church. Yammy decided that since he didn't felt like putting out his anger to Ulquiorra, who he can with no problem at all, and still wanted to release his rage into something. This something will first be the door standing tall, almost glaring at him with its doorknob of doom. The brute never did like doors, well over the years the mindless giant did some value in having doors. Like a door to a stash of food, a stash of scared Números, or even a stash of terrified Números with food. He definitely did see the potential in these little things, that doesn't say anything about the doorknobs though. Those objects of the devil pisses the living shit out of Yammy for a good amount of reasons. Let's just say one of Yammy's first visit to the human world didn't end so well to a spiritual aware young couple.

Lost in thought the giant Arrancar didn't even notice his partner casually opening the door and walking in like he owns the place.

Inside the church the pale man saw the four winged fools laying on the ground breathing heavily. Ulquiorra could see many robe men standing either by the walls or circle around the four. His entrance caused everyone present to bring their sights to him. The fourth Espada watched as the robe men scramble a little and began drawing out weapons.

"Stop!" a voice all too familiar commanded. It was none other than that black haired busty woman, Raynare. The woman was still down on the ground, but she was currently trying to stand up.

"Raynare-sama please allow us to end this intruder existence!" one of the braver robe men said.

"Yes give us the honor to kill this worthless piece of trash" another cheeky robe men said with a cocky smirk.

'Note to self: Murder that cheeky little human in the most inhuman way possible' Ulquiorra thought. He absolutely hates it when people use his favorite word. He hatred will be multiple by ten if someone used the word as an insult to him, the self-dubbed King of Trash talk (literally).

"Didn't you idiots hear what I said!? I said to stop!" Raynare roared, she shakily stood up and took a step towards the pale man that is the very cause of her problems.

"I'm surprised you can still stand up even after the beating you received by Yammy" Ulquiorra betrayed his words by saying this in a bored tone.

"I wasn't chosen as the leader to these fools for nothing" the black haired busty woman said, having a small smirk plastered on her face.

"Apparently" the pale Arrancar replied.

The fourth Espada removed his gaze from the woman standing in front of him and began scanning the room a second time, not noticing the slight angered look Raynare had.

'What a prick! Talks to me one moment and then he simply loses interest in our conservation' the black haired woman thought.

Ulquiorra moved pass the woman and the groaning Fallen Angels.

"Where do you think that you're going to huh?" Raynare asked.

The pale Arrancar sighed before turning around, "Looking around one's new base of operations is usually one of the first things to do" he said as if that was a good enough of an answer.

"Base of operations? The hell are you talking about? Do you think you can just waltz in here and claim this church?" the woman questioned with narrowed eyes.

"Don't ask stupid questions, woman" Ulquiorra said before looking around the church. "I'm sure that you already know the answer to those idiotic questions of yours" the pale Espada stated.

"You can't just… But you… NO!" Raynare bellowed.

Using the teachings of Aizen-sama, the fourth Espada turned around and said three simple words, "You mad bro?" Ulquiorra asked with a tilt to his head.

He always did wondered what the real meaning to those three words meant. He knows that asking someone this is another way of asking if they are indeed mad or not, and using the word bro is just a peace greeting of sorts. By saying "You mad?" is simply asking if they are angry or not, but by adding the word bro to the end of this seemingly innocent question will make it sound friendlier. Ulquiorra believes that if one would to call you his/her bro to him/her than a sort of friendship or sense of safety will be formed. Doing this will make it oh so much easier to manipulate people, be it enemies or potential allies. Well that's what Aizen-sama said after all, and his words of wisdom are always one hundred and ten percent correct.

He wasn't expecting a pissed off expression on the busty woman's face. Perhaps he used Aizen-sama words at the wrong time? Maybe he should have waited a while before saying those magic words. If only his lord was here standing right with him at this very moment. He's sure that his fountain of knowledge would cleanse his ignorance of not fully understanding "You mad bro?" or better yet allow his master to do the talking. He always did had a way with words.

"Fuck you, you cheesecake freak!" Raynare yelled.

"Quite the crude response don't you think, Raynare-san?" Ulquiorra asked, more to himself really.

The woman gritted her teeth before walking towards to pale man. She grabbed his shirt and brought his face to hers.

"I don't know who you are to be demanding this church as a base, but let me enlighten you. You can't go around ordering that dumbass giant of yours to beat people senselessly and demand for their home like some desperate mook!" the black haired woman said angrily.

The fourth Espada tilted his head slightly to the side. He grabbed the woman by the wrist and easily pushed it away from his uniform. Once done he dusted his uniform and took a step back.

"Obviously you're new with being bossed around, but have no fear as a fair master I'll spare your life just this once" Ulquiorra said before turning around and noticing an entrance leading to an underground entrance.

The robe men and Raynare watched as the pale man casually walked towards to the not so secret entrance. He stopped when he noticed something… odd.

"Why are any of you following me? As your new leader you should be following me around like a bunch of sheep to their shepherd" with that said Ulquiorra continued his destination.

Slowly the other robed men followed until it was only Raynare and the three still groaning Fallen Angels.

"What the hell?" the woman asked herself.

Needless to say she is incredibly confused by this situation, but nonetheless went to the underground entrance. Once she arrived there she saw something strange. The ex-priests were all kneeling down and hailing to their supposedly new master, Ulquiorra. Said man didn't bat an eyelash on them, but instead examining what's in front of him. Raynare instantly knew that the pale man is interested in the artifact used for removing Sacred Gears from the one who wields them. Ulquiorra dismiss his interests from the artifact before turning around and making his way closer to the kneeling men, Raynare sighed in relief knowing that Ulquiorra won't destroy the artifact or anything bad.

"All of you measly humans has been granted the honor of serving for our one and only true lord. He who has the goals to surpass all beings. The one to obtain the true power of the transcended being. Our lord that'll change this pathetic world into his new toy at his own deposal. The one and only god deserving the right to lead this world into a new world order. Be it the total demise of you worthless pieces of trash or using you barely useful pawns to succeed his enviable goal. Our lord is none other than Aizen-sama! Praise him!" Ulquiorra preached like no tomorrow.

"ALL HAIL AIZEN-SAMA!" many man screamed out Aizen's at the top of their lungs.

"What… the… fuck?" Raynare muttered.

Pulling both of his hands out of his pocket, Ulquiorra dramatically brought to the air. This simple gesture made the robe men new admiration increase tenfold.

"One of the classic cannon fodder known to men is men itself. Use your feeble skills at combat to escalate our lord's path to his glorious godly goal. If combat isn't your strong suit then use your below average minds to further assist Aizen-sama. If you have neither skills you piles of trash then you should know that you're even worse than trash itself! Then instead of standing around like a bunch of fools, use foolishness to sacrifice your bodies as meat shields to protect Aizen-sama perfect untouched body!" the cheesecake man said while raising his hands up to the air.

"ALL HAIL AIZEN-SAMA!" once again the robed men shows their devotion to their new lord, Aizen-sama.

"As one of Aizen-sama strongest soldiers in his army, I must bestow you with more wisdom! The one who is currently stating the greatness of our lord is Aizen-sama fourth Espada, Ulquiorra Cifer. Unlike you dirty animals I myself follow our lord Aizen-sama because of his kindness and goals. He may throw out trash such as you out, but those who'll survive the danger will be rewarded. With what you may ask? Well allow me to say what I'll be rewarded if I do live after our lord's conquest, nothing! Why nothing is what I truly do want nothing else. This nothingness is however not empty and yet empty. I'm still wondering about nothingness to this very day, but until that day does come I'll serve Aizen-sama" Ulquiorra paused for a second before finishing up, "Even after I obtain what I want I'll still give my services to Aizen-sama! So what about you, you pieces of trash that walk this planet without a care in the world? Will lay down your pitiful lives and join me in our lord's quest of Godhood?" the fourth Espada finished, staring at all the men.

"ALL HAIL AIZEN-SAMA! ALL HAIL ULQUIORRA-SAMA!" the men hailed.

'I'm not one to have servant… But these slaves will be a nice addition for Aizen-sama' Ulquiorra thought.

Inside the crowd one woman wasn't hailing, but shocked to the core.

'This man in one day took care of four Fallen Angels using that monster size brute, basically took over the church, and has earned the trust and loyalty of all my men. Who the hell is he' Raynare thought with extreme shock. Even with all this confusion she couldn't help but blush slightly. 'What a leader…'

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 **Author's Note: Guess whose back? Barack Obama that's who! Now go ahead and get some Obamacare! Nah it's just simple old me.**

 **So what did you think of this chapter? Did you enjoy Ulquiorra being all like "I don't give a shit what you say" attitude? How was the little speech? I kind of just type in the first thing that came to mind. Oh and I know both Yammy and Ulquiorra are definitely out of character a bit, but really I prefer it this way. I like Yammy being the loveable oaf he is and Ulquiorra still being a smartass and a huge loyal men to Aizen. I feel like Ulquiorra being a worshipping crazed guy to Aizen is more amusing if anything.**

 **So I decided to bring up some stuff since I'm sure some of you are wondering. First up is the big one that I'm sure a lot of people are wondering. Will Ulquiorra be paired up with anyone? This is a god damn Highschool DxD crossover, what do you think? The real question is who he is going to be paired up with. Let me first say that since this is a Highschool DxD crossover Ulquiorra will have a harem, a small harem but a harem nonetheless. Cheesecake-kun won't have no Naruto sized harems (I'm looking at you Naruto Fanfiction writers).His harem will probably be two to three girls, possibly four depending on later chapters. I only have two in mind that may join the harem, one of them a few of you been asking about. The other potential members has still not be chosen. Go ahead and tell me if you want someone in Ulquiorra harem, and maybe an explanation to why this person should join.**

 **Second on the talk about list is the progress to this story. I'm not making any promises but I'll see if I can at least post two chapters a month. I have also already planned out two endings to this story. Not much details will be presented but I will say that one of the endings could easily be changed depending on the Highschool DxD canon storyline while the other one won't have many changes depending on the canon storyline.**

 **Next up is Yammy's death! Some of you want me to kill off Yammy to obtain the infamous clone of Ghost Nappa, Ghost Yammy! As much as I love the idea of me killing off Yammy this early on is highly unlikely. I prefer that Yammy troll the living crap out of Ulquiorra by his side like a true best buddy. Does that mean I'll keep him alive for the rest of the story? Maybe or maybe not. Same goes to Ulquiorra and any other character.**

 **What is next now hmm… oh my opinions on some things about Bleach? You have the right to not give a flying fuck, I understand. For those that are interested though I kind of wanted to talk about Yammy's character overall. We see this cocky brutish Arrancar who is weak as fuck. This weakling gains this massive boost in strength in power and becomes the Zero Espada just from using Resurrección. Like holy shit he gained a huge ass boost, such a powerhouse and yet he gets beaten down by my boy Zaraki and Byakuya. Now I get it Zaraki is power as hell and Byakuya is tough too, but really this hyped up form was nothing but a disappointment and worst of all they skipped a portion of the fight. I rather not go that much into depth with this so I'll just end it here.**

 **Go ahead and review on this chapter! Did you enjoy Ulquiorra's devotion to Aizen? Were you happy that I updated? Or are you pissed off? Whatever it is make sure you review! Have a lovely New Year and see you next chapter.**


	8. Chapter 8

I don't own Bleach or High School DxD

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Chapter 8: Idiots! Idiots Everywhere!

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Outside an abandon looking church stood a large imposing man. The giant look to be thinking about something with how he had his hand on his chin in a very common thinking gesture.

'Why do doors even exist? It isn't like we need those pointless things. I mean why would you bother wanting to waste your time to open up a door and then closing it after? What you want privacy, you prissy bitch? Then why not buy a suitable rock to live on, idiot,' Yammy thought shaking his head in a negative manner, his disappointment and silent rage to doors and users truly does piss him off.

The giant brought his disgustingly huge hand towards his face and whipped out his finger. Said finger already knew about its destined target, Yammy's nose. As his finger journeys through the valleys of the brute's nostrils he notice his partner's absents.

"Hmph…" the giant sounded. After bringing out a bounty of golden snot, the precious treasure was flicked away to a random direction as the brute began his investigation to find his best buddy.

Yammy brought up his fist of door-hating justice and smashed through it with ease as he walks into the church, uninvited.

He walked pass the groaning Fallen Angels without a care, he though 'accidentally' stepped on the fedora wearing one by 'mistake' this earned another groan from said Fallen Angel, music to his ears. The Arrancar looked around the half assed church, hoping that maybe his comrade is simply playing hide-and-seek against him.

'Bastard doesn't even warn me about the game ahead of time, what a douche,' the giant thought slightly angry that his pale companion wouldn't even tell him about the sudden game. Don't get him wrong he absolutely adored the game especially when he's playing the super fun game with a couple of Números. Best part about the game is he always end up with a few bodies as a reward for winning, good times.

By pure luck Yammy stumble upon a 'well-hidden' entrance leading towards to who knows what. Sometimes shit like this amazes him of how he can find some of the craziest or cleverest of things without even trying. He once again began his walk to find his best buddy.

As the brute made his way downwards he could clearly hear chanting and screaming. Lots and lots of chanting and screaming. Before he could ponder on this anymore he reached at the very bottom of the stairs where one of worst nemesis stood. Another God damn door. The behemoth glared at the fearsome door with the utmost hatred.

"You must believe that you're better than me, huh?" Yammy questioned, still having his death glare at the door.

"…" the door replied.

"Oh! Is that so you son of a bitch!? You want to tangle with yours truly?" the brute asked.

"…..." the door replied with a longer response.

"Cocky prick! How dare you call me a less-retarded-version-of-Nappa! What does that even men?" the Arrancar bellowed.

"…" the door replied with an even longer response.

"F-FUCK YOU! TO HELL WITH THIS!" Yammy roared and took a step back and began to charge a Cero, aiming directly at the door.

"…" the door taunted with the longest response of its nonlife.

"My mother is not a desperate whore!" Yammy yelled.

"…?" the door asked.

"Of course I know my own mother! What kind of stupid question is that?" the massive Arrancar asked back.

"…" the door sarcastically said.

"Her name? It's uhh… I know it… Positive…" Yammy stared at the ground in shame.

"…" the door insulted.

The giant removed his sight from the ground to glare at the door again.

"You know what screw you! At least I had a mother at one point, unlike you, you wooden obstructed waste of space!" the brute roared and charged his Cero.

With a fully charged Cero, Yammy flipped the bird at it and fired the doom blast. The Sheer strength easily penetrated through the door and continued its onslaught of power through the room that the door was protecting.

"And that's why I hate doors," the Arrancar grumbled while walking through the freshly created wreckage.

Ulquiorra's new worshippers were terrified by this new individual. They could only watch as the strange deadly beam blew up the door leading to this room and watched as it crashed at a nearby wall that was a little bit too close to their new master's face.

"Ulquiorra-sama, there seems to be an intruder that wishes to destroy our path of the glorious Aizen-sama!" a random robed man said tearfully.

Ulquiorra ignored the fool as he began to descend down towards the intruder. He already expected this to happen after abandoning Yammy.

The fourth Espada made his way through the crowded men. Once arriving at the troublemaker that caused him a headache, he removed one of his hands from his pocket and took another step to the unsuspecting brainless fool.

The giant was too focused on observing that scared little shits surrounding him to notice Ulquiorra casually walking up to him.

"Yammy look over here would you?" Ulquiorra asked.

'Wait I know that voice! Could it be him?' the brute thought excitedly before looking down to see his partner staring impassively at him.

With a giant smirk Yammy yelled out to the heavens. "Cheesecake-kun! I mis-" he was interrupted since the moment the massive Arrancar brought his gaze to Ulquiorra he was slapped with a mighty pale hand sending him through a crowd of terrified screaming robed men.

The pale man sighed and walked away from the crying men. Raynare quickly followed without hesitation.

"Was that alright to do, Ulquiorra-sama?" the black-haired beauty asked only to blink and repeat what she just said to herself inwardly.

'Did I seriously said his name with sama in the end? And why do I not feel bothered by that at all?' Raynare wondered.

"The idiot will be back on his feet in no time," Ulquiorra said, completely ignoring her question.

"I could care less what happens to that brick head. What I'm asking is was that really the best choice action? The men might be scared to death because of that stunt," the busty woman pointed out.

"If anything this'll show them not to be disobedient," fourth Espada answered to his new follower. Said follower had this confused expression on her face, this made the pale man sigh. "Think of it like this, by slapping my fool of a partner by using only the minimal of my power and sending him quite the distances away from me shows that my strength is not to be trifled with. Their fear will form as an extra lock of sorts to secure their loyalty to me. They wouldn't think twice in trying to betray me unless they wish for me to interrogate them, plunge my arm through their chest, and finally decapitate them" Ulquiorra explained with zero changes to his facial expressions.

This simple and yet effective tactic was used on himself and the other Espada members by Aizen-sama. By showing off his immense strength by defeating the Espada members in a duel will allow us to see how far we truly are compared to Aizen-sama's insane Reiatsu. No that isn't correct… Aizen-sama doesn't even need to battle us to earn our loyalty, he simply has to presents his Reiatsu to make us kneel down. Some may put up a fight while others will understand the sheer difference in power. It is like putting an infant in cell filled with hungry lions, there isn't any chances in surpassing something that you cannot reach. Our fear is Aizen-sama's assurance of loyalty. He truly is the one and only one meant to achieve the impossible.

"Oh. Alright that makes sense," the black-haired woman said, bringing Ulquiorra out of La La Land.

"Of course what I said makes sense, and I do hope you follow my words wisely and follow me willingly, Raynare-san," the pale man half said/ordered and looked back at her for a second before continuing their walk.

It doesn't matter to him if the woman besides wishes to follow him or not, it isn't like she really has a choice. Well to be fair she does have a choice, either obey his every command and live another day or die as a rebellious wench. He's fine with either choice.

The black-haired beauty wanted to squeal so badly right now. She doesn't know why but how her Ulquiorra-sama spoke those words to her made her want to melt. And those eyes of his. The way he stared blankly at her like some worthless trash and wouldn't miss the chance to cut her down for any kind of failure got her excited for some strange reason. Raynare knew at this point she wouldn't trade her new master with any master. She desperately wanted him to keep on being bossy and cold to her, just to satisfy her arousal.

A couple minutes passed as the two kept on walking to what look like an old living quarters through the endless halls. The pale Arrancar tilted his head slightly to his companion direction. What he saw would have made some men feel disturbed. Raynare was drooling with this happy expression on her face. What actually creeped him out a little were those sparkles on her eyes. Do eyes do that? He wasn't sure if that was a Fallen Angel thing, but he knew one thing. That woman is fascinatingly strange.

After finishing his little inspecting, Ulquiorra went back to where most of his new slaves should still be at, followed by a still daydream Raynare. He wondered if Yammy actually scared them to death. That'll be hilarious to see. Though he would lose many valuable cannon fodder, and that wouldn't be amusing to him at all.

What he saw wasn't what he was expecting. All of the robed men were huddled around, some were standing while others were sitting down on the cold ground. Their attention was solely focused on Yammy, who apparently was telling them about an epic tale. The fourth Espada should have expected this to happen. Only Yammy would do something so unsuspectingly stupid to somehow infect others to his stupidity. Hell Yammy's idiotic behavior affected himself too, only slightly though. He rather be eaten by a Menos Grande in his Resurrección form then to become a Yammy clone.

Yammy stopped talking about his tale when he noticed his partner and the busty bitch walking to him. The brute waved his hand with a happy grin on his face.

"Hey Cheesecake-kun! Big booby bitch! Come over here!" to emphasize his point by pointing at an empty chair near him, probably saved for Ulquiorra.

'What he call me!?' Raynare thought angrily, trying her best not to snarl and smack his smug prick face.

The pale man sat down and stare at his partner, while the Fallen Angel stood beside him.

"Ulquiorra you wouldn't believe how awesome these humans are!" the giant said while laughing.

"How are these humans 'awesome,' Yammy?" Ulquiorra asked, not really caring about the answer.

"They love my stories and are a bunch of fanboys. Makes me want to straggle them to death out of happiness," the brute said.

Many of the robed men laughed instead of shitting bricks.

"Sounds like you're having a blast," Ulquiorra said boringly.

"Oh you have no idea, Cheesecake-kun," Yammy laughed. "You know I was just about to start another story. It's the time when we went to the human world to test out that orange-haired boy strength."

'I'm surrounded by idiots,' Ulquiorra thought.

Ulquiorra sighed and zoned out as not to lose any more functional brain cells. The black-haired woman however listened to the tale, only because of her sudden interest in her new master.

"It all started when Aizen-sama wanted us to have some fun…" Yammy began.

* * *

 **Author's Note: Welcome back readers. I hoped that you all enjoyed Chapter 8!**

 **Yeah this chapter wasn't really plot worthy at all but hey I like to take my time. At least another chapter is up, right? Anyways how did you like it? Was Yammy's interactions with the door neat? Did you like the whole Raynare having a master complex? Personally my favorite part in this chapter was the part with Yammy and the door's (I might have a similar event happen again) chat.**

 **Here's something unrelated to the story! I'm sure many of you at least know about the Yu-Gi-Oh series, correct? Well I'm planning in starting another story that isn't Bleach related (HOLY SHIT!). I know it's crazy and you might be thinking that I shouldn't since I kind of abandon my stories in a way or more like don't focus on it as much. Like my other two stories, which by the way I am planning on going back to soon. Anyways this Yu-Gi-Oh fanfiction will be a crossover to wait for it… Naruto! Now I'm not the biggest fan of the series, but I did see the interesting potential in putting Yami into the series. Oh were you expecting a crossover of Naruto having a deck of cards and gathering a harem? Ha please! Oh no I'm going beyond those weak ideas. Instead Yami will be going into the Naruto verse using the power of his Egyptian awesomeness and monsters. I won't say much else besides this, abridged Yami mixed with slightly sadistic Yami and Kaibaman.**

 **Don't forget to smash in a review on your thoughts of this chapter and really story overall. And I'll see you guys in the next chapter. Sayounara!**


	9. Chapter 9

I don't own Bleach or High School DxD

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Chapter 9: Such a Hassle

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In an unlit room, that is located at one of the many halls of the abandon church, lays a extremely pale man resting on top of a uncomfortable looking bed. At first sight it would seem like the pale individual was sleeping, but you would be wrong to assume such. The pale man was only resting his eyes for a few moments before his eyelids slowly opened up as it gaze upon the darkness. His gazing came to halt when sounds of footsteps and idle chatter were heard outside of his room. He stared at the ceiling for what seems like minutes before finally getting his ass off the bed. By instinct the man moved both of his hands to his secured pockets. With this done he brought his attention to the door leading out of his room, heaving a sigh, he began to make his way out of his temporary piss-poor excuse of a room.

The Fourth Espada ceased suddenly, only being a couple inches away from the doorknob. A small coffee table was confidently placed at the right from the door. It was not the table itself to hold any interest to him but what was laying on the table. A loose pair of blue jeans and a white cotton long sleeve button down shirt. The pale man grabbed the clothing and inspected it, seeing nothing wrong with them Ulquiorra stripped down and tried on the newly obtain clothes. Once done, he once again went to the door and with no interruptions this time he opened up the door, and began walking to a certain destination in mind.

While he was making way to god knows where, the Fourth Espada uninterested gaze observed his new servants do their daily tasks. Many of them would stop on what they're doing, almost instantly, to bow or kneel down on the ground in a sign of respect to him. The pale man nodded to a few of them or ignored them completely when many of his servants would greet him.

Making a left turn he almost crashed into Raynare, the busty-black haired woman who loyalty follows his every command. She had this faraway look on her face, and was staring at the ground muttering whatever nonsense that was coming out of her mouth. Her expression on her face changed immediately to one of minor shock when she suddenly tripped and fell down, thanks to Ulquiorra. Her fall was prevented by a well placed arm around one of her wings.

"Raynare? I suggest you try to watch where you're walking too. You'll never know what'd happen if you bump into the wrong person," Ulquiorra said casually, as he removed his grip on the Fallen Angel, allowing her to stand on her own feet.

Said woman finally came out of her daze to look up at her master. In mere seconds that daze look changed into a loyal and yet hungry-lust filled look, with a nice dose of blushing.

"Oh... Ulquiorra-sama... I didn't notice you there, please forgive me for my insolence," the busty-black haired woman apologized while bowing down. Even though her apology is acceptable to the pale Arrancar he did felt that the woman in front of him still had a dirty expression on her face. This disturbing thought almost made him shudder.

Ulquiorra began walking to his destination instead of responding to his subordinate. The loyal Fallen Angel luckily heard the footsteps, so after waiting for a few more seconds she stood up and followed her master.

"Ulquiorra-sama if I could be so... blunt, where exactly are you going?" the busty-haired Fallen Angel asked as she walked by her master's side.

"I'm going to be paying a visit to my idiotic partner. Once he's found we'll begin my plans," the Fourth Espada answered just as blunt.

It has been three days since both Espada came out of the Garganta and arriving to this strange human town. Both Espada explored the town hoping to find a temporary base that'd serve it's purpose for them. They ended up finding no suitable locations for their base and were forced to retire at a nearby crappy motel. In their second day the Arrancars has been struck by pure luck. They finally have found the perfect place for them to stay, an abandoned church. The abandoned church at the time was controlled by a couple of Fallen Angels. After some persuading the Fallen Angels not only gave their base to them wholeheartedly but also join the Arrancars side pledging loyalty to both Aizen-sama and Ulquiorra.

After Ulquiorra inspected his new humble abode he walked back to his partner, Yammy, who was telling a bunch of scrubbing looking robed servants their last mission. Listening to his partner's bullshit words and lies did annoy the fourth Espada, but as always he forced himself to control his growing rage and kept on his indestructible poker face. Thankfully the brute's terrible storytelling finally ended giving Ulquiorra the chance to order everyone besides the Fallen Angels to return to their dwellings. Once all the Fallen Angels were gathered Ulquiorra explained to them the basics of Hollows, it was mostly about the lifestyles of a Hollow and what they do. The pale man knew that their wariness was quite likely oozing out of the Fallen Angels by now, and he was fine with this.

He have also bestowed them information on his plan on wanting to return to his lord. At this point the Arrancar didn't exactly knew what to do. Their wasn't ever a time where a Garganta would ever not function correctly. This only left him with two choices. Until the pale man can figure out a way to return back to Aizen-sama he would have to deal with the lives of the humans and hopefully find a way back to Hueco Mundo. His other choice is something only a moron would have thought of in this kind of situation. To cause as much destruction to the world until the two were found by either the Shinigamis or his Aizen-sama. If by some chance that say Urahara Kisuke would arrive they could possibly force him to create a Garganta (highly unlikely), afterwards the Arrancars will try to dispatch of the dangerous Shinigami if given the chance, if not they'll simply retreat back to Hueco Mundo. The problem with this plan was that they will be put into a crap load of danger. Danger that has a high probability of death. With no other choice the pair will have to use the first choice, live with the disgusting degrading humans until a way to return back to Aizen-sama appears.

"Will Yammy be any help though?" Raynare voiced, bringing the fourth Espada to eyeballed her. The Fallen Angel looked away hiding her blush away from her superior's eyes, "I mean Yammy isn't the most brightest of individuals. His intelligence is lacking in many ways, Ulquiorra-sama. So... I don't see how looking for him do you any good in your plans." She patiently waited for her master to reply.

"You're definitely right about Yammy being a idiot, however I would like to have the fool at my side to ease my heart knowing that he isn't going around killing people like a rapid animal. Believe me I would rather not deal with the fool's constant stupidity, but it's either that or allow him to reek havoc on the humans and potential giving out our locations to unwanted guests," Ulquiorra finally spoke.

"Oh... I understand. I apologize for my foolish ignorance, Ulquiorra-sama you may strike me down if you wish. If you wish not for my blood to stain this marvelous floor that which you walk on then you could punish me by whipping me until my skin turns a perfect shade of red, the color of a water hydrant. If whipping my undeserving skin isn't good enough for you Ulquiorra-sama, you could starve me for days forcing me to groan in agony while thinking about all the wrongs I have done to you! Oh-oh! How about strapping me to a table and-" the badly blushing Fallen Angel, that was breathing like a horny dog in heat, was cut off by the pale man.

"Enough of that, Raynare. There is no need for me to punish you for your ignorance," Ulquiorra calmly said. He watched as the busty-black haired woman face changed to disappointment as if not being punished is a terrible thing to happen.

After a couple more minutes of walking they eventually reached their destination, Yammy's room. Ulquiorra lazily removed his right hand from his pocket and brought it forth to the doorknob. With single twist on the doorknob the fourth Espada slowly pulled the door open, dreading what is inside his comrade's bedroom.

Surprisingly, the room looked normal just a little messy. With the bed covers lying on the floor and the scent of a dying elephant giving birth to a hundred year old corpse that is entirely made out of feces. He is completely sure that this is Yammy's room. He was expecting a body or two tangled somewhere in the room. At the very least some broken furniture should have been lying around.

'Hmm... Maybe Yammy isn't such a bum,' the pale man thought.

"Where the hell is he?" Raynare asked.

The Arrancar scanned the room swiftly, looking for his idiotic partner. Yammy isn't here but how? His Reiatsu was practically oozing out of the room and could be felt a mile away, the giant was and will be never the best at Reiastu control. So what the hell!? Why isn't he here? Did some of his Reiastu leave a sort of mark in his room? Yammy isn't that smart or talented to be able to do something like that knowingly, meaning he unexpectedly did this accidentally. Of all the bullshit that the fool did this right here is definitely on the fourth Espada's imaginary top fifty list.

Ulquiorra sighed, 'Great now I have to look for him before I start seeing random Cero being fired destroying the landscape. Such a hassle.'

The busty black-haired woman noticed her master's discomfort and wanted to badly help in any way possible. As a loyal faithful follower it is her duty to please her master in any way possible. Perhaps using her body for his use will lighten his mood. She'll allow her Ulquiorra-sama do whatever to her to please him. Even if she has to get on all fours, howl like a dog, and await for the abuse, that'd surely come, just to please him. That's what matters to please him in anyway possible.

Ulquiorra not knowing the dirty thoughts flooding a certain Fallen Angel walked back to the outside of Yammy's room. Raynare was about to offer her devotion in the best way possible when Ulquiorra left the room and walked away, leaving the busty woman alone. Still in her daze it took her a whole ten seconds of repeatingly blinking her eyes before she chased after her Ulquiorra-sama.

"Ulquiorra-sama! Where are you going?" Raynare said, finally being able to catch up.

"To locate Yammy and give him the backhand of the lifetime," he answered impassively.

'Lucky bastard gets to be punished by Ulquiorra-sama but not me!?' Raynare thought jealously.

They have arrived at the center of the underground base where there was a couple dozen robed servants talking, praying, or moving boxes around. One figure stood out from them. A tall buxom woman with long blue hair that covered her right eye. The pale man made his way to the woman as he tried to remember her name. The busty blue-haired woman noticed her new master walking towards her followed by Raynare.

She didn't know what to think of him really. An uncaring, heartless man that is supposedly is stronger than the giant that he sent after them. The thought alone did terrify her. If a beast like that was strong enough to easily beat them all down than what in god's name could the much shorter of the two do? What matters is that she stays in her best behavior around her new leader and besides he is kind of cute in a strange way.

'Huh, wonder where that came from,' she wondered.

"Hello Ulquiorra-sama," the woman greeted.

"Woman have you seen Yammy anywhere?" Ulquiorra rudely asked, deciding on ignoring her greetings just to get straight to the point in finding his worthless ally.

"My name is Kalawarner, Ulquiorra-sama and yes, I saw him leaving a hour ago. For some reason he took Freed and Dohnaseek with him against their will, Freed cheered about killing devils while Dohnaseek whined. When I asked him where he was going he said and I quote, "I'm taking my posse with me and there's nothing you can do about it! So take that!" or something like that," Kalawarner informed.

The fourth Espada wanted to facepalm so badly right now. Only Yammy would say something so stupid. Great now he has to find the idiot and his 'posse' to reeducate them.

Ulquiorra sighed,"thank you for the information Kalawarner-san. Now if you'll excuse me I must go after the idiot and his newly acquired stooges."

"It wasn't a problem at all Ulquiorra-sama," the blue-haired woman said. She stood still, watching both her leader and Raynare going to the exit of the church. Just before they reached it the woman quickly sprinted towards them. "Ulquiorra-sama! Wait!"

The Arrancar halted and turned around to address his subordinate.

"Yes?" Ulquiorra said.

Kalawarner brought forth her hand to her breasts where she began to dig around between the valleys of flesh. If this was any other male they would have reacted in a perverted manner. To the fourth Espada member however he only quirked a eyebrow.

'What is she doing?' the pale man innocently thought.

'What does that bitch think she's doing!? Only I am allowed to corrupt my Ulquiorra-sama! ME!' Raynare raged while gritting her teeth.

The blue-haired Fallen Angel released a small squeal of joy when she found what she was looking for. She pulled out a cellphone.

"That device? What exactly does that... thing do?" the innocent sounding cheesecake-kun asked. He never saw one of those small devices. It was shaped like a rectangle and was covered by some kind case? The case's main color was pink with miniature cartoon cat faces around it. Overall that device looked strange and was probably strange.

"This is a cellphone Ulquiorra-sama," Kalawarner informed, knowing that her master wouldn't know what human devices are since he said Hollows mostly stay in that Hueco Mundo place and rarely visit the human world.

Ulquiorra tilted his head slightly in confusion.

'SO ADORABLE!' both busty women squealed. They both find their master's ignorance to humans incredibly cute.

"A cellphone is a small portable telephone that people can use both inside and outside of their homes. With this you can call other people with your phone or text them. Basically think of it as a fast method in communicate with others," Kalawarner explained.

The Arrancar could only nod as he tried to digest the information about this cellphone. He was a little curious about about the phone usage especially the texting. Would that mean you can send documents to your comrades using that little device? It doesn't seem believable but then again so does humanity and their technology.

"I know Yammy wouldn't have a cellphone and Dohnaseek wouldn't give anyone his number for reasons we do not know. Personally I think he's just being a grumpy old goat, not caring about society these days, you know elderly stuff. Anyways, I know Freed has a cellphone and thankfully I do have his number since we forced him to give us his number," Kalawarner said happily as she scrolled through her contact list. "A psychopath like Freed has to be kept under a leash. I'm sure you understand why, Ulquiorra-sama."

This the pale man understood. Yammy is unpredictable and a danger to everyone, even Aizen-sama knows that the simpleminded giant was a wildcard. He has immense amount of Reiastu, but has no way in knowing how to use his strength effectively. The Freed fellow sounds like a ripped off version of Yammy in way, which means only one thing. Another headache to deal with.

The busty blue-haired woman brought the cellphone to her ear and waited patiently. A couple seconds passed as the three stood waiting for the ringing to stop and for someone to answer.

Kalawarner frowned, "I guess the asshole isn't goi-" she was interrupted when a voice spoke.

"What the hell do you want?" the voice spoke oh so kindly.

"Freed do me a favor and zip up the bitchy attitude," the busty blue-haired answered back with just as much love.

"Pfft I don't have to listen to you, you're not my superior. Besides I'm busy with Yammy, so how about you do me a favor and allow this handsome priest to have his fun," Freed tried to dismiss the conversation.

"You see that's why I called in the first place, it's for that very reason," Kalawarner said.

There was a tense silence before Freed spoke again, "Is this a booty call?" the priest asked.

"Wh-what no! Hell no! You disgusting pig I called because Ulquiorra-sama is looking for Yammy and wants him to come back to the church. So go ahead and tell that idiot to come back. Better yet put him on, I'm sure Ulquiorra-sama would love to have a chat with him," Kalawarner half-ordered the priest, still disgusted about the booty call comment.

"He wants to... Well okay, sure," Freed said over the line.

"Ulquiorra-sama here," the woman gave the Arrancar the cellphone to him. "Just put it to your ear and talk when that your comrade is on."

Ulquiorra gave a silent thanks and quickly placed the phone to his ear just as a familiar voice spoke.

"Dammit Freed what do you want now? Can't you see I'm busy with stuff," the familiar voice groaned.

"What kind of stuff?" Freed's voice was heard over the line.

"You know that stuff... The stuff about the stuff that tried to go through our stuff by killing our stuff, but was blocked by my overpowering stuff and yours and Dohnaseek's weaker stuff. Though the other stuff was pretty annoying, kept on regenerating like an asshole," the familiar voice said, greatly confusing Ulquiorra on what this 'stuff' meant.

"Oh that's right! Didn't we use our stuff's combined power of teamwork to bring down their stuff and that shit just recently happened too. Ahh good times," Freed joyfully said with the utmost happiness, the kind of happiness you want to fill in a bottle and lock it up in your closet like some kind of trophy, but you know you can't and yet you still try. Pitiful.

"Hello?" the Arrancar greeted, hoping to end whatever the two were talking about.

"Yeah, what's up?" Yammy greeted back.

"I need you and others that you took back here at the church now," Ulquiorra demanded.

"I can't I'm buying clothes," the giant denied.

'God dammit Yammy,' Ulquiorra massaged his forehead.

"Alright, well hurry up and get over here," the Fourth Espada said.

"I can't find them," Yammy revealed the truth.

"What do you mean you can't find them?" Ulquiorra asked, while narrowing his eyes slightly.

"I can't find them there's only soup," the brute said.

"What do you mean there's only soup?" The Arrancar is now official confused, again.

"It means there's only soup," the simpleminded Arrancar explained.

The Espada member wanted to snap this phone in half with the stupidity he's listening to. "Then get out of the soup aisle!" Raising his voice to bring reason to the idiot.

"Alright you don't have to shout at me!" Yammy bitched.

The pale man could clearly hear heavy stomping over the line.

"There's more soup," the oaf said with a tint of anger in it.

"What do you mean there's more soup?" Ulquiorra asked, gripping fist tightly. The two Fallen Angels took a step back.

"There is just more soup," the giant pointed out.

"Then go to the next aisle," Ulquiorra said through unyielding rage wanting to break loose.

Again more heavy footsteps were heard.

"There's still soup!" Yammy exclaimed.

"Where are you right now!?" Ulquiorra questioned.

"I'm at soup!" the massive Arrancar yelled.

"What do you mean you're at soup!?" the pale man raised his voice even more.

"I mean I'm at soup!" the brute just doesn't explain.

"What store are you in?" the fourth Espada demanded.

"I'm at the soup store!" Yammy roared.

"Why are you buying clothes at the soup store!?" Ulquiorra almost yelled.

"FUCK YOU!" Yammy yelled back and hanged up.

The pale man gripped the phone tightly before tossing it to the air and blasting it with a well aimed Bala. He then walked back to the living quarters, most likely going back to his bedroom.

"Ulquiorra-sama," Raynare began to follow him only to stop when a hand reached out and grabbed our shoulder lightly.

"Why not give him some time to calm down. I'm sure he'll need the cool off after whatever conversation he had with Yammy, which sounded obviously stupid from what we heard from Ulquiorra-sama," Kalawarner reasoned.

The busty black-haired woman sighed before nodding her head in agreement, "yeah you're probably right, Ulquiorra-sama could use some time to cool off after that ordeal."

The blue-haired Fallen Angel smirked and extended her hand to Raynare, "Why not you help me out by ordering around these chumps. We still have to finish the repairs of the church, thanks to that retard of a ginger."

Raynare released another sigh before she grabbed her partner's hand and walked with her to the useless minions.

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Ulquiorra already had arrived back to his room and layed on his bed facing the ceiling. Sometimes Yammy's constant idiotic behavior makes the pale man want to straggle him to death. If it wasn't for Aizen-sama orders to be teamed up with him Ulquiorra is sure that we would have ended the waste of flesh ages ago. Then again he wasn't even sure if he would want to kill the fool. True he is a complete hassle to deal with but he's still... dare he say? Comrade, ally, teammate, or even partner? In a way he gotten used to the bullshit that is Yammy, but it's still annoying to be dealt with every few seconds.

The fourth Espada decided that he will give the brute a hour or two to return back at their base of operation on his own. If he didn't return then Ulquiorra will bring him back by force with a shitload of punishment awaiting for the giant. Hell maybe he'll surprise the pale man by actually returning without causing any problems, wouldn't that be a riot?

So into his inner debating on what to do to Yammy once he's back that Ulquiorra almost missed the small figure blocking his locked door. The lights were out but the Arrancar could still see the basic features of the person standing infront of him. He couldn't identify what the gender of the figure was. The small figure stood with long black hair down to its hips. Those eyes were a dull gray, but had a certain gleam to them. The fourth Espada wasn't positive, but he's sure that the figure shown a small smile when there's eyes met each other. One a empty green and the other a dull gray, unblinking.

"Greetings."

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 **Author's Note: Welcome all of y'all! It's so good to be posting on this story again.**

 **So yes I finally did found a decent way to introduce chapter 9 to the best of my abilities. I still think that this chapter was a little crappy seeing how the humor was flying everywhere on the chapter only on certain bits. The beginning of the chapter is what I feel is the weakest could just be me, I don't know. Did any of you notice that this chapter is longer then the others? If you did congratulations! If not it's alright. This chapter has a whopping 4.5k words which is litterally double the amount of words compared to my other chapters, so in a way this is two chapters mixed in one. You're welcome!**

 **Anyways yeah so a lot and not so much stuff happens. Ulquiorra has some new clothes on. Personally I absolutely love Ulquiorra's uniform! It looks so badass, but I wanted to change up his outfit a bit for a while, that and I doubt he would want to wear the same uniform everyday without washing it.**

 **I hoped you enjoyed Ulquiorra's and Raynare's interactions in this chapter I know I did. And if you haven't had guessed yet (I'm sure everyone knows by now), but yes Raynare will be in Ulquiorra's harem. Why? Because she deserves more love and is a interesting character. Even though there isn't bunch information on her I still believe that she had potential as a character in High School DxD. That potential was quite frankly crushed by Issei's anger, a shame.**

 **I'm still open for anyone else you may want in Ulquiorra's harem. Reasons why and your thoughts about the chosen candidates would be appreciated. Minimal amount to Cheesecake-kun harem is three and the max amount to the harem will be four. My number to the harem may change to a five, but I doubt I'll go that far. The bigger the harem equals bad story material. Hell you never though shit can change!**

 **Oh and the whole conversation about "stuff," actually wasn't pointless nonsense I added for the story. Good luck trying to figure out on what the hell Yammy and Freed were talking about.**

 **You could skip this paragraph if you want to. One last thing that isn't relevant to the story but I'll say it anyways. I'm dropping the Yu-Gi-Oh crossover to Naruto just for the lack of chapters I written. It didn't work like many other crossover I came up with. Here's a few crossovers that has a high chance in not appearing unless I can come up with something: Blazblue x High School DxD, Borderlands 2 x Code Geass, and a redone version of my story posted on this site, "Bambietta Stupendous Adventure," it'll be much larger per chapter and a better plot. The redone has the highest chance of happening, though if I do decide to do it, it won't be created anytime soon, probably next year.**

 **Don't forget to review about this chapter! Please do tell me how this chapter was. Your reactions to my story is much appreciated and does keep me going. That doesn't mean I deny flames, if you want to flame about something that I did wrong than by all means go ahead. I'm here to write stories but also to improve on my writing style. Even if English isn't my first language (Brazilian), I want to get to a point where my stories are above average, because right now I'm positive this story is below average. Have a wonderful day/night and see you next chapter!**


	10. Chapter 10

I don't own Bleach or High School DxD

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Chapter 10: Balls & Chess

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Raynare was pissed off for an acceptable reason.

The many nameless servants working on repairing the church were the cause of her rage. The men wouldn't know how to flush a toilet properly without screwing up in some unimaginable way. They're that awful. She absentmindedly wondered what decent workers would be like. Would they actually, oh I don't know, do their goddamn job? She could only hope.

Onto a different note, the Fallen Angel pitied her new master. Dealing with a retarded giant all day long and most of the night must have been frustrating. The busty-black haired Fallen Angel could only stay loyal to him and support him in any way possible. Especially the naughty bits. Oh, how she'd love to serve him in those areas. Her master looks like the type that will tie her up on a lamp post in the nude and...

"Are you feeling alright?" A familiar voice broke Raynare out of her 'innocent' thoughts.

"Wh-what? Huh?" Was the only audible answer coming out of her mouth as she tried to control her embarrassment in front of her best friend, Kalawarner.

Best friend might have not been the best word to describe her relationship with the blue haired beauty. The two have always gotten their missions done in a quick and efficient manner. Even though they may have got into a couple (dozens) of arguments and fights the Fallen Angels were always willing to push pass their disagreements to at least be civil, especially on missions. In ways Kalawarner is probably the only other Fallen Angel that Raynare feels comfortable to be around with. Sure there's Dohnaseek and Mittelt too but they lack what a enjoyable companion should have. Dohnaseek is old and only focuses on who is going to die next by his spear. Mittelt, as adorable as she is the girl wasn't mature enough in having a conversation with. This lead Raynare to Kalawarner as the only source of friendship, or at the very least an acquaintance that the busty woman can tolerant.

Overall Raynare respects the blue haired woman quite highly for her standards. The same can be said for Kalawarner's respect towards Raynare.

Kalawarner's eyebrow rose, "I asked you if you're alright. You seemed a little zoned out for a second."

"I'm perfectly fine, Kalawarner." Raynare replied and quickly tried to change the topic, "anyways how's the repairs going?"

The blue haired Fallen Angel looked back at the working men, she watched as one of the robed men fell on ass causing a nearby one to lose his balance and ultimately falling as well. The sight of the idiots almost made her want to groan, but she kept herself from doing so. "If that's what progress is then I say we should be done soon."

"The lot of them are a bunch of useless morons, aren't they?" the black haired Fallen Angel laughed.

Both women laughed at the idiots struggling with their work. Because of their enjoyment they didn't notice a certain pale man walking pass them, going straight towards the kitchen area.

They have however notice the small crowd of robed men blocking out the only exit out of the church. Both Fallen Angels walked to the commotion, pushed aside any minions blocking their path, and eventually reached the very center of the men's attention.

A man kneeling down on the ground, groaning in pure agony and pain. A elderly man kneeling down on the ground crying out like a bitch.

'Dohnaseek,' both women repeated the name inside their heads.

Raynare stared blankly at the pathetic fedora wearing Fallen Angel in boredom, not even bothering to help. Her companion having similar feelings only watched their comrade cry out in pain. Kalawarner did smile a little, it was a little funny watching a grown man groaning like a horny teenager that discovered the glory of masturbating for the first time in his/her life.

Dohnaseek groaning increased in volume with every painful breath of air sucked into his lungs.

"Hmm... I feel you brother, no man ever wants to feel that," one of the robed man spoke.

The busty-black haired woman didn't remove her sight from Dohnaseek but instead responded to the one that spoke. "Care to explain."

He released out a deep sigh, "It's obvious want happen to Dohnaseek. A shame."

"You think he'll ever recover?" Another robed man questioned.

"Hard to say, really. But if I had to guess I say probably near the point of return." The robed man shrug as he picked his ear.

"Ya think his nuts were smashed by his wife?" The other servant asked.

This comment greatly disturbed many of the surrounding men. Who in their sane mind would ever marry that pitiful thing!? His apparent wife must have been intoxicated as hell when they married. Bribed maybe? Forced on? Blackmailed? Any of these were the logical conclusions that the men could possibly think of. Something like love couldn't be an answer. No one will willingly love Dohnaseek, the sheer act of loving that man was basically loving the sight of puppies being kicked around like a soccer ball.

Both Fallen Angels had similar thoughts on their fellow comrade's sex life. That wasn't the only thing that astounded them though. What gotten them interested was the idea of someone apparently being able to injure the fedora wearing pride and joy. No, the fact that someone was able to kick the man's two suns without being beheading by Dohnaseek. He may have not been the strongest warrior, but the old man did know a thing or two about the act of violence. The real question is who have done the deed?

Dohnaseek's inflated beach balls became the best of friends with either a fist or a foot, lucky him. The tool of destruction however did not matter in this crime scene. Who is this mysterious person to bestow such a large amount of pain to him? How did this ingenious bastard pull off this plan in crumbling the Fallen Angel's ego by targeting his greatest weakness, his balls! This issue definitely needs a thorough investigation as soon as possible. Time isn't on their side! God damn it!

"This is a grave problem men. If one of our superiors was defeated in battle by some unknown monstrous strength of ball smashing then we may all be goners," one of the robed man muttered darkly, loud enough for the surrounding ones to hear.

"Oh hell no... You don't think this saggy-groaning-leftover-sack of shit was dominated by his... his... his..." a terrified man stuttered.

"What? His what? Speak motherfucker!" A equally terrified man roared.

"His... his... his.. E..." Someone slapped the coward, it seems like that was the perfect dose of medication needed seeing how the man calmed down and looked back at the curious men. "Thank you. Like I was saying it is possible that Dohnaseek, one of the mighty Fallen Angels, was beaten down by the most feared cause of humanity problems known to men."

"Cancer?"

"Dying a virgin?"

"Starvation?"

"Listening to Justin Bieber?" Many agreed with this one.

"Being buried alive?"

"Died while taking a shit?"

"Batman Vs. Superman?"

The terrified but calm man raised his hands in an act of silence. The others almost immediately quieted down, thankfully. "Much worse... beaten down by a... Ex-girlfriend. The cause of his agony was thanks to the beast of a Ex-girlfriend that wishes vengeance upon his undeserving baby maker!"

This unsettling information did nothing but made the men quiver in fear. Some even cried. Others fainted.

"Come people, come and join me as we pray for a unyielding protection to our prized equipment. Oh, and I guess we can pray to this man's already ruined future," the calm robed man said as the rest nodded their heads and began praying.

Kalawarner gazed at the idiots bemusedly like they had two heads. "This definitely takes the cake in stupidity," the busty-blue haired woman spoke out the first words since this entire ordeal of bull crap.

"Yeah..." Raynare could only agree.

The thought of hanging with Yammy instead of these idiots didn't sound as terrible anymore.

* * *

A pale hand reached out on a doorknob and opened said door. The door allowed a source of light to brighten up the dark bedroom.

Ulquiorra took a step inside of his room carrying a tray of two tea cups, a teapot, and some snacks. He walked towards the sole lamp of the room and turned it on before locking the door.

"How lovely of you to bring in refreshments, Ulquiorra-san," a child's voice spoke out.

The Fourth Espada ignored the voice in favor of dragging a small table in the middle of the room as he placed the tray full of goodies down on it, not before pouring both tea cups. He took a seat on his uncomfortable bed and finally decided to look at his uninvited guest. A black haired young looking girl wearing a Gothic dress. The girl was relaxing on his bed, having her legs spread out and snuggling to his only pillow. She stared at the pale's man green eyes, waiting for something, anything to happen.

'Dull gray eyes. Completely empty.' Ulquiorra noted to himself.

'Dull greenish eyes. Filled with nothing but emptiness.' The girl noted to herself

Both thoughts were quite alike but neither knew that.

Eventually the Gothic dressed girl broke the eye contact and reached for the already filled tea cup. She delicately grabbed the tea cup and slowly brought it forth to her face. The Gothic girl took a nice whiff of the aroma of the tea before tilting the cup towards her tiny mouth. The small soothing sip ended as fast as Yammy's fight with Yoruichi Shihōin. No... as pathetic as the fight was it didn't end that fast. Still though the sip was a tad bit quick for Ulquiorra's unwavering eyes.

The girl gracefully placed the tea cup back, reminding the Fourth Espada of royalty.

'A princess perhaps?' Ulquiorra mused. As highly unlikely this thought was there could be some truth to his musings. Again though highly unlikely.

"This tea's taste is top-notch, Ulquiorra-san. I have tasted many different brands of tea over the years, and yet this one has a certain kind of vibe to it. Wouldn't you agree, Ulquiorra-san?" The girl innocently asked.

His eyes narrowed slightly. Ulquiorra notice the slip up the moment the girl said those three words. "Over the years," a girl saying she had tasted different brands of tea over the years may have sounded a little odd and nothing else to the normal individual. Not to Ulquiorra. This girl can simply be lying about tasting different kinds of tea but that is as likely as Yammy being important in a fight. She isn't normal to the Fourth Espada's eyes.

First, the suddenly random appearance of this girl right after calming down from a certain phone call. Second, her knowledge of his name, which he hadn't given. Third, her ladylike fashion of drinking the tea. And finally fourth, the response she gave to him about the tea and 'accidentally' slipping up. The girl is anything but normal, that much is obvious. What's nagging Ulquiorra is what exactly is this girl and her purpose in seeking him out.

Her arrival was surely because of his small display of power before, and now the pale man has to deal with another sure to come headache. What joy!

"Having a one-sided conversation tends to bore me, Ulquiorra-san," the child brought the Fourth Espada back to reality. He almost have forgotten about the very source of his wonder, the girl.

"My thoughts wonder off in the presence of a guest, I apologize," Ulquiorra 'begged forgiveness' in the most believable way possible.

The Gothic dressed gear smiled coyly, though Ulquiorra felt like it was fake, "I would have done the same exactly thing too. The unexpected appearance of a beauty young girl usually would shock any sane person. Especially how this girl arrived right after a... small light-show occurred not so long ago, an hour at most."

The fourth Espada narrowed his eyes at the girl but she continued anyway. "This girl not just appearance out of thin air, but also identify a pale skinned man that isn't anything but human. With that display of power people such as the cute girl can conclude that this man must be involved in supernatural activities in one way or another. Question is what can this new discovery be? Some sort of monster? One of the spirits of evil, the devils? Perhaps this man is one of shining glorious warriors of God himself, that would lead to either to an Angel or a priest." the girl reached for the tea and took another sip. Her lower part of her face hidden from the world thanks to the tea cup. "But we can both agree that you aren't any of these suggestions. You're someone more than that... a character of destructive powers seems to befitting of you, am I correct to assume that Ulquiorra-san?"

"What do you want?" The fourth Espada questioned. It's best to get straight to the point since the girl in front of him was only playing around with him. Much like a puppeteer and his puppet tangled by strings.

She shrugged in a nonchalant manner, still covering the bottom part of her face using the tea cup.

'Damned cup...' Ulquiorra thought.

"Would you by chance be interested in a game of chess, Ulquiorra-san?" The girl requested as she flicked her wrist causing a magic circle to appear on the table. The magic circle soon created a chessboard, all pieces were already set.

"Chess? You wish to play a game of chess with me?" Ulquiorra not really asked but more just pointed out the obvious.

She nodded her as she placed her empty cup of tea back on the tray, "Yes, a game of chess will pass up some time and it'll be entertaining to play. Have you ever heard of the term of phrase, "killing two birds with one stone", Ulquiorra-san?"

The Arrancar went over to one of the corners of the room and pulled out a dusty chair before placing it directly in front of the Gothic dressed girl. "I have heard of it, and I accept your challenge."

"Oh? I wasn't expecting you to agree so quickly. I thought you might have pulled up some resistance before you'd agree to the game," the girl said, not sounding shocked whatsoever.

"This game must have a hidden agenda. Meaning if I play this game I'll either have some of my lingering questions answer or you might continue you're playful behavior, keeping me in the dark," Ulquiorra responded.

"Quite the clever one, huh? Well sense you're fair man I suppose it is only fair to at least answer one of your many questions. My name's Ophis," the girl revealed.

"I'll be honest and say that I did somewhat wonder what your name was, but that was only out of curiosity. To be honest I seriously did not care at all what you go by, Ophis-san." The fourth Espada coldly said as went for the white pieces instead of the black ones. White symbolizes emptiness, therefore it emblematically shows the very beings of which Ulquiorra is, a Hollow.

"Ulquiorra-san what would you consider yourself as if you were one of the chess pieces if you had to decide? The fierce and nimble Knight's piece? The overpowering Rook's piece? The supportive Bishop's piece? Cannon fodder known as the Pawn's piece? The destructive and deadly Queen's piece? Or are you the leading type, like the King's piece?" Ophis listed the pieces as she twirled around the black King's piece, awaiting for her answer.

"You tend to ask questions, Ophis-san," Ulquiorra said before looking down at the white pieces. "The pawn role seems befitting for someone such as a myself. Although the as you have said the knight's piece is fierce and nimble, constantly striking down their foes until their dead unless ordered to halt, loyal to their dying breath. I believe the Knight's piece will be the most suitable for me."

"Interesting quite interesting, now how about we begin our game, Knight-san." Ophis said jokingly as she flick her wrist causing the entire room to be covered in a similar looking magic circle from before. "Oh, I almost forgot this game of chess will be slightly different then a mere chess match I hope you don't mind," the Gothic young girl hid a smirk from her face as Ulquiorra's eyes widen.

* * *

"Wait what!?" The Espada member all but yelled. He wasn't expecting this, and honestly he should have.

The room shined with a blinding light of absolute authority and power! Once the light vanished the room was missing three things. Ulquiorra, Ophis, and the snacks that were on the tray.

Ulquiorra slowly opened up his eyes to lay witness to a massive battlefield. Across the fields of a once peaceful meadow was scotching flames burning away any kind of life. Bodies lingered around the battlefield, bodies of knights and warriors alike. Many of the bodies were missing limbs, others were piked on, and a few couldn't even be called bodies because of the bloody mess of gore around them. Reminds the Fourth Espada of the old days as Hollow. Feels like home, just a shit ton more gory.

"Your majesty what are your orders?" A familiar annoying voice said. Ulquiorra looked around until he turned around to be faced to face with a bunch of kneeling warriors. Arrancars.

The one who spoke raised his head to stare directly at his lordship with such devotion that it would even make the Fourth Espada jealous. "Please your majesty allow us to serve you and victory is sure to come," the familiar looking Arrancar loyally said. A giant who is familiar with. His retarded partner that he is forced to deal with constantly. Yammy Llargo.

* * *

 **Author's Note: Hello all of you readers out there! I'm so glad to be posting another chapter to one my favorite stories made so far.**

 **So yeah sorry for the delay but I was pretty busy on some stuff. Besides me being busy it was actually kind of difficult figuring out how I wanted this chapter to be so I had to put some time off of this story to sort of my thoughts. As you can tell I have figured said thoughts out well, so well that I have already planned out chapter 11, which will mostly be centered around the chess match and Yammy.**

 **I'm sorry that this chapter wasn't longer or even as long as the last chapter but hey that's life. Like the prototype4260 said in his review (yes I actually do read the reviews, shocker isn't it?) this fanfiction is a crackfic but with plot, lots and lots of plot, but with bullshit humor as well! I'll also try to work on my chapter length, maybe 5-6k words?**

 **My first flame woo! Disgruntled HUMN I thank you for your words, no really I do. It's always good to see people's opinions on my story be it good or bad. I am not trying to embarrass you at all just to let you know, what I'd be doing is answering your review in the best way I can. The 6/10 bit shocked me a little you know. You're being too kind I don't see how my story will ever be that high, I say It's more of a 5/10 if anything. The harem idea apparently displeases you because Ulquiorra is emotionless and such I understand. But you have to know that this is fanfiction shit like this tends to happen. If you're interested in seeing a great story that has Ulquiorra in it then I recommend checking out the story called White by Melkor's Mercy, even though that story isn't a crossover it's still amazing.**

 **Now to the harems. My pairings to Ulquiorra are both mine and the reviewers choices, but will ultimately be decided by me. Take Raynare for example, when I first began this story I wanted Raynare to be paired up with Ulquiorra simply because I truly do believe that a character that was killed off early can have potential if allowed to live longer then what the show originally planned. This is just my opinion and everyone is entitled of their own opinions.**

 **I'm also going to start responding to reviewers per chapter so if you got a question then shoot! Do review and tell me your thoughts on my newest chapter. Did you like the epic return of Dohnaseek? Did you enjoy Ophis interactions with Ulquiorra? Pissed off with the cliffhanger? Whatever the reasoning is go ahead and review. Enjoy your Sunday or whatever day/night you're reading this one. Peace!**


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